(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series) Many of you have expressed your sadness over the absence of Sassy Pedicurist. I know. Thanks to what I can only assume is Stockholm Syndrome, I miss that abusive, cranky old bitch too. So today I went to my old nail salon to inquire about her absence. Me (to … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: An Investigation
(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series) Many people have been asking me what has happened to Sassy Pedicurist, as we haven’t heard from her in a while. I’m not quite sure. I have had my nails done many times in the past several months, and she has not been at the salon. She used to be … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: M.I.A.
(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series) Just popped into the nail place… Me: “Hi there! Do you have time to give me a quick eyebrow wax?” Sassy: “Not now. You come back in one hour.” Me: “Eek, I can’t. I’m going out tonight, and have to leave kind of soon.” Sassy: “You have date tonight?” Me: … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: This is Good Decision
Sassy: “You have date this week?” Me: “Yes, on Tuesday.” Sassy: “Then you get eyebrow wax today.” Me: “No thank you.” Sassy: <shrugs> (long silent pause as she files my nails) Sassy: “No wax is big mistake.”
Discussing my upcoming 33rd birthday… Sassy: “You buy yourself something nice?” Me: “I was thinking I’d freeze my eggs.” Sassy: (head in hands) Me: “I take it you don’t approve?” Sassy: “A new dress is gift. Nice dinner. Long massage. Date with good man. Freeze the eggs? Not a gift.” Me: “I think it is. … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: Freeze the Eggs? Not a gift.
(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series ) It’s been a while since I’ve seen Sassy Pedicurist, as she has been traveling. But don’t you worry, she’s back and more opinionated than ever… Sassy: “You see a man now?” Me: “Nope. Still single.” Sassy: “What happen to man who make you smile in the text?” (referring to … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: If This Man Smart
Sassy Pedicurist on blogging… Me: “I started a blog.” Sassy: “What is this, ‘a blog?’” Me: “It’s like…a website. On the internet. Where I write stuff for people to read.” Sassy: “What is this stuff?” Me: “I don’t know, just stuff that happens in my life…observations…stories. Actually, sometimes I write about you.” Sassy: “This sound … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: What is this, ‘a blog?’
Sassy Pedicurist sees me repeatedly checking my phone and laughing: Sassy: “This person texting you, very funny yes?” Me: “Ha yeah he’s a funny guy.” Sassy: “Oh– a man? You go on date with this man?” Me: “No no. A friend.” Sassy: “He have wife? Girlfriend?” Me: “No…” Sassy: “This man, he look nice? You … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: This is Husband
Dating advice from Sassy Pedicurist… Me: “I have a first date tonight– any tips?” Sassy: “You say to him what you want. You say, ‘I want husband. I want children.’” Me: “I think that’s the opposite of what to do on a first date.” Sassy: “You never do this?” Me: “No.” Sassy: “You have husband?” … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: I Want Husband. I Want Children.
I show Sassy Pedicurist the disasterous text message exchange with Jeff. Sassy: “This is why internet is no good for finding husband.” Me: “You have a better suggestion?” Sassy: “Yes. I know good man for you. He run in marathon, like you.” Me: “Oooh, ok. That’s a good start.” Sassy: “Mmm hmm. Very nice man. … Continue reading Sassy Pedicurist: Very Nice Man