Dear CIA,

To be clear, when I find a curse word written on a post-it in my classroom and I pretend that I am going to use the “Handwriting Analyzer” app on my iPhone to solve the who-done-it, making the 4th grade culprit so nervous that he cries and confesses– THAT is using an “enhanced interrogation technique.”

Rectal feeding is not. That is torture.

Maybe next time try MY trick.

Emily