A Desperate Holiday Plea to Students (From All Teachers Everywhere)

Kids/Teaching

Dear Students,

Look, we know you’re trying. And yes, there is something to be said for the expression “It’s the thought that counts!” But here’s a secret– sometimes, the thought counts for absolutely nothing. Holiday gift-giving is one of those times. You don’t HAVE to get your teacher a gift, but if you do (and we’ll like you more if you do), there are some rules. You kids seem to do well with lists, so here, let’s clarify, so that there is no confusion in the future…

Gifts teachers do NOT want:

  • Any bath product
  • A hug
  • Deli flowers
  • A drawing of your cat
  • A stuffed animal cat
  • Anything cat related
  • A Barnes and Noble gift card (this one, weirdly, is actually the most offensive)
  • Your appreciation
  • A story you wrote about what your family does for the holidays
  • A Jesus ornament (particularly if your teacher is Jewish, but I have a feeling Christians don’t want that shit either)
  • Things from the dollar store. All things.
  • Jewelry you made
  • You know what? Add jewelry you bought. You’re very bad, in general, at knowing how to give jewelry.
  • A picture of your family in Christmas sweaters
  • A poem
  • 4 pieces of gelt (only 4, because you want the rest yourself. Yes, one of you actually did this. See picture.)
  • Something you blatantly stole
  • Something you’ve blatantly used
  • Something you’ve blatantly taken a bite out of
  • Jam

Gifts teachers DO want:

  • Cash

There are no exceptions to the second list. None. The first list will be constantly updated with every asinine gift we continue to receive.

Also, please pass this on to your parents.  We recognize this is more their fault than it is yours.
Happy holidays,
All Teachers Everywhere
gelt-2
(Actual 4 pieces of gelt I received today)

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