Wait– you DO?! Well this changes everything.

Kid: “My band teacher says that boys are better at the trumpet but I think girls can do anything boys can do.”
Me: ” I totally agree. I think she just meant that it’s EASIER for boys, because their bodies are built differently.”
Kid (dramatic head-in-hands): “Oh brother.”
Me: “Oh, sorry. Was it something I said?”
Kid: “I KNOW how boys and girls are different, Ms. Emily. But you play the trumpet with your MOUTH.”

Using timelines to add and subtract…

Me: “So let’s figure out what year your family members were born. How old is Mom?”
Kid: “30.”
Me (surprised): “Oh, ok. So let’s use the timeline to jump back by 10s and figure out the year she was born.”
Kid: “1984.”
Me: “Yes! So how old was mom in, say, 2010?”
Kid: “30.”
Me: “Hmmm. Are you sure?”
Kid: “Yes. She’s always 30.”

Me: “In the story, the boy lives in an apartment, but soon he will move somewhere where there are dirt roads and houses. So what inference can we make?”
Kid: “That he lives in the city.”
Me: “Right. And where is he moving?”
Kid: (Blank stare)
Me: “Well, what’s the opposite of the city?”
Kid: “The Hamptons.”

#uppereastside

Kid (male, age 9): “Ms. Emily, just so you know, there’s a girl twerking in the stairwell.”

Testing a child’s reading comprehension…
Me: “How do you think the character feels about lying to his mom?”
Kid: “Terrible.”
Me: “Why?”
Kid: “Because lying is a sin.”
Me: “Ok, but explain using details from the text.”
Kid: “Well it’s not really a question you can explain with the text. It’s more like a life thing. Everyone knows that when you lie, you betray god. And if you betray god, you go to hell.”
Me: “Oh my…”
Kid (reassuringly): “Well not YOU. Christians.”

Kid: “Did YOU have braces in elementary school?”
Me: “Actually, I had them in HIGH school.”
Kid: “What?!” (head in hands) “That must have been a DISASTER.”

It was.

Helping a student generate story ideas about her school experience…

Me: “What do you like to do at school?”
Kid: “Well the stuff I like to do you wouldn’t know about.”
Me: “Explain.”
Kid: “Like…I do mostly private thinking. I do a LOT of thinking about my life, and my own ideas.”
Me: “Well that’s ok– in fact, that’s great!”
Kid: “Well it mostly happens while you’re talking.”

Kid: “I know I’m getting older but I don’t FEEL like I am. Like I keep telling people I’m 8 even though I’m 9.”
Me: “Yeah, I know what you mean. I also keep telling people I’m 8.”
Kid (looking me up and down): “Well THAT’S just ridiculous.”

August 25, 2014

Bought an adorable first-day-of-school dress to get myself psyched for next week!!!!!!

It didn’t work. I hate everything.