Kids are pretty great when you ask them to do a thing and then they do that thing.

I’ll always remember, fondly, the one time that happened.

Kid: “My mom says if I do well on the state test, she’ll get me a new iPad”
Me: “Nice. Can she get me one, too?”
Kid: “You need a new one?”
Me: “Not a NEW one. Just one in general. I’ve never had one.”
Kid: (prolonged, dumbfounded stare)
Me: “Yes?”
Kid: “Are you…(whispering)…poor?”

Me: “Do you know what a ritz cracker is?”
Student: “A cracker from the Ritz Hotel?”

Me: “Who wants to share something interesting?”
Student: “It’s my cousin’s birthday!”
Me: “Who wants to define the word interesting?”

One of my tactile-sensitive students begins stroking the back of my hand as he reads his book.
Me: “You like the feel of my hand, huh?”
Kid: “I like the wrinkles.”

Kid: (pointing) “What’s that?”
Me: “My face.”
Kid: “No, THAT.”
Me: “A pimple.”
Kid: “What’s that stuff on it?”
Me: “Makeup.”
Kid: “Why?”
Me: “To cover it.”
Kid: “But I can still see it.”
Me: “Yes. You’ve made that quite clear.”

To my extremely argumentative tutoring student:
Me: “Anyone ever tell you that you should be a lawyer when you grow up?”
Kid: “No. My dad says I’m going to be an artist.”
Me: “Really? Like a painter?”
Kid: “No. Something called a BS artist.”