Remind me to think of a new example for teaching fractions. And to not use this mom’s recipe.

Me: “So which is greater– 1/4 or 1/2?”
Kid: “1/4”
Me: “Hmmm. Ok. Let’s look at it this way” (drawing picture) “Imagine we have these two nice big brownies. They’re the same size. Would you rather have a piece from the one I cut in 2 equal parts or the one I cut into 4 equal parts?”
Kid: “The one you cut into 4.”
Me: “You sure? Explain.”
Kid: “Because when I eat too much brownie, I get diarrhea. Especially when my mom makes them.”

You can never be too careful around here.

Me (to student): “Give me a high five…but with your elbow…the elbow without the rash.”

Kid: “My dad says sometimes it’s ok to lie.”
Me: “Hmmm I don’t know about that. I think honesty is the best policy.”
Kid: “Ok. Well then do you think I’m going to pass the state test?”

Damnit.

The mom of the 4th grader I tutor told me her daughter has a “school issue” that maybe I can help with…
Me: “What’s going on, kiddo?”
Kid: “I just hate school. But it’s hard to explain.”
Me: “Ok, well, I didn’t really love school when I was your age either, so I bet I can help.”
Kid: “It’s just…school is boring. I feel like I already know everything. And sometimes it’s hard being smarter than everyone.”
Me: (silence)
Kid: “Do you know what I mean?”
Me: “No. I literally do not.”

“Please stop licking your friend’s hand.”

March 12, 2014

Highlight (arguably lowlight) of last night’s parent/teacher conferences:

Me: “Do you have any other concerns you’d like to discuss?”
Father of student: “Yes. I know this is a trivial thing, but can you please teach my son to rub it out properly?”

Me: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Kid: “I used to want to be a teacher. But then I won’t be able to live in a building with a doorman or buy the good kind of sneakers. Or, like, pay for haircuts.”
Me: “Who says teachers can’t do that?”
Kid: “My dad.”

That moment when you realize you’re not smart enough to tutor this 6th grader.

2nd new favorite person (right behind “Mean Week” mom), THIS lady:

Former student spots me shopping on the street…
Student: “Hi Miss Emily! Mom! Look, it’s Miss Emily!”
Mom (grabbing arm of child): “Don’t talk to Miss Emily when she’s on vacation. She looks happy.”