My friend sent me a link to “Invisible Boyfriend,” an internet service that “creates real-world and social proof that you’re in a relationship– even if you’re not– so you can get back to living life on your own terms.” The idea being that single women tend to get harassed (by family, friends, and society in general) about their single status, so “Invisible Boyfriend” gets everyone off your back. It creates text conversations, shares photos, and even comes up with a background story about how you met your special guy.

I know, I know– are they fucking serious? How pathetic do they think we single women are? That we’d resort to lying and fabricating information just to cater to society’s belief that we should be in a relationship? That we’d purposely deceive our family and friends, and essentially create a false double life, for the sole reason that we are obviously too insecure with ourselves to simply ignore other people’s stereotyped and ignorant beliefs? That we can’t just be proud of and happy about where we are in our lives, regardless of society’s expectations?

I’m actually totally cool with all that.

Here’s what I’m baffled by. The website offers five basic scenarios in which you could have met your boyfriend, and they have a fill-in-the-blank template, based on those scenarios, that you can use to create your story. For example, the first scenario is that “we met at a bar,” and the template is as follows:

Ok, fine. Benign, generic, and totally believable. And if you don’t like the idea of meeting at a bar, don’t worry, the site gives you four other choices of perfectly plausible scenarios:

1) We met on vacation– sure, happens all the time
2) We met at a party– yup, I know many couples who met that way
3) We met on a plane– ok, less likely, but certainly romantic and believable
4) We met climbing– um….WHAT?

This site decided to provide only 5 generic templates for how a woman could possibly meet her boyfriend, and they settled on CLIMBING? I just don’t even understand how that’s possible. How did CLIMBING beat out “On a dating website,” “At Whole Foods,” or “We were abducted by the same alien”– all far more legitimate scenarios than “We met while scrambling rocks in the Alps.” WHO THE FUCK MEETS CLIMBING?!

I’m not saying it can’t happen, so chill with the “I totally met my boyfriend on a rock wall” commentary. I’m just saying, if you HAVE to narrow it down to the five most common scenarios, WHY THIS ONE?

And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is the most insulting and dumbfounding aspect of this site.

On an unrelated note, I have a new boyfriend. We met on vacation in Canada. Here he is, top right: