Kid: “Do your boobs ever leak?”
Me: “EXCUSE me?!”
Kid: “Right before you got here, my aunt’s leaked and her shirt got wet.”
Me: “Did she just have a baby?”
Kid: “Yes.”
Me: “Alright, then that makes sense. Let’s get back to math.”
Kid: “So yours don’t leak?”
Me: “No. They don’t. Math.”
(She shrugs and starts drawing a number line. Relief washes over me.)
Kid (moments later): “Maybe yours aren’t big enough to leak.”
Me: “That’s not really how it works.”
Kid: “I’m just saying…hers are a LOT bigger than yours.”
Me: “Yeah. I got that.”
Kid: “So are my mom’s.”
Me: “Great.”
Kid: “And my grandma’s.”
Me: “Fantastic.”
Kid: “Yours are like the same as my dad’s.”

“I like your shoes!”- 1st grader in the adjacent stall.

Because when you have a master’s degree, you get to pee next to 7 year olds at work.

A new student blatantly lies to me and my co-teacher about her homework, so we call over another student (who was in our class last year) to explain why lying to us is a bad idea.

Kid (wide-eyed): “Ooooh, you should NOT lie to them because they ALWAYS find out about it. And they are a LOT smarter than they look.”

YOU may have gone to temple today, but I made $400 in cash, stored it, then headed to my sister’s for a free meal.

Now THAT’S being a Jew.