Very generous gift card and a VERY sweet, congratulatory wedding card from Ebola Mom.
Me: “You’ve got some guacamole on your face.”
Eric: “You’ve got some sass on your face.”
We are in Potomac this weekend and, in an attempt to gain major son-in-law points (leaving Andrew in the dust), and because he’s just a ridiculously thoughtful guy, Eric searched far and wide for the perfect retirement gift for my dad. Unbeknownst to me, he contacted my dad’s wine guy in California, found him the perfect bottle, and had it shipped to the house today. He topped it off with a thoughtful card congratulating him on his retirement, and wishing him luck as he embarks on this new journey in life.
Dad (opens card): “I’m not retiring.”
“Well why didn’t she just take a Via or Uber?”
— kid, age 7, re: Rosa Parks
“You know… the man in the yellow hat never really gave Curious George a good scratch. I mean– he was a monkey! Not one good scratch. Nothing documented, at least.”
(30 second silence)
“What a dickhead.”
— Eric, on melatonin
I came home to Potomac for a friend’s bridal shower this weekend.
Me (to Mom): “I’ll take a later bus back to NYC Sunday since it’s Mother’s Day.”
Mom: “Ok, but if you want a ride to the station you should go earlier. I’m golfing at noon.”
“That is a whisk.”
— Eric, explaining my shower gifts to me.
My bathroom trash can is filled to the brim with Efferdent denture tab wrappers.
I cannot believe I found someone to marry me.
Fact: If they’re a former student and a male and over the age of 11, they do NOT want to give you a big bear hug on the street in front of their new friends.