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Birthday Truths

Every year I am so delighted to see that my best friends still understand these 5 truths:

1. I hate the phone.

2. This obviously still applies on my birthday.

3. You better call me on my birthday.

4. I will not pick up.

5. But I will notice.

Let it be written.

If you have people in your life who understand and play by these completely absurd rules without being told, you are one lucky bitch.

Feeling super grateful as I enter this 36th year– amazing husband who swooped in to do emergency Boog babysitting duty because he knew I needed one last childless bday morning in a massage chair, a bun in the oven that I get to cook without actually having to learn how to cook, the whole family in for Bibby’s famous (passed down recipe, we’ll see how Mom did) matzoh ball soup, a fabulous, bell-pepper sized excuse not to have to go bread-free this Passover, calls/texts/messages from dear friends near and far– no wine, but all the love and allllllllllllllll the cake, both with and without flour (for real. We have 3 cakes. One cooked by Eric and The Boog that might or might not contain actual boogs, depending on how well Eric was supervising).

Happy Passover/Easter, friends! Love to all! Xoxoxo

Dear God No

My OB sent me to a hematologist, who I saw today, because I tested positive as a carrier of Factor 11 Deficiency, which means I could have an issue with blood clotting…

Hematologist: “So the reason we test your Factor 11 levels is because of the epidural. If you test below a certain level, it will not be safe for you to have an epidural when you give birth.”

Me: “Umm…so then what do I do?”

Hematologist: “Well. You just give birth.”

Me: tenor-1.gif

Hematologist: “That was the end of the sentence. You just give birth. But, obviously, without the epidural.”

Me: tenor.gif

Hematologist: “It’s perfectly fine. People give birth all the time without–”

Me: 200.gif

 

So yeah. I imagined the birth going something like this cxX0Knc.gif but apparently it’s going to be more along the lines of this:

ap5.gif

May god have mercy on all our* souls.

*Eric’s

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

Everyone’s Africa advice for Eric: “PLEASE do not get excited and pet the wildlife.”

Everyone’s Africa advice for me: “PLEASE do not get distracted/forget where you are/fall asleep/blog in the bush/pee on a lion’s den and get eaten by the wildlife.”

A fair assessment of both our personalities.