Category Archives: Family

Family Planning, Part 2

(Related to Family Planning )

Eric just learned that his company offers paid paternity leave. This, naturally, lead to a serious, contemplative discussion about parenthood.

(No, I’m not pregnant).

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We’re obviously kidding, relax.

They’ll be a soccer team.

I hate football.

 

I’m Sure This is Normal

Two days ago, beloved Grandma dies: stay surprisingly positive. Recognize that she was 96, lived a full life, and I was lucky to have had her with me for as long as I did. Feel nostalgic but optimistic.

Tonight, wait over 30 minutes on platform for a subway train: have complete nervous breakdown. Cry in public. Throw shit. Feel like world is ending and nothing is fair. Curse at ceiling.

So yeah I’m fine.

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That is BRAND NEW INFORMATION

On the phone with my mom…

Mom: “So I guess Dad and I are never getting our car back, huh?”

Me: “Ummm, incorrect. I sent Dad an entire email detailing how Zack is going to drive it back to Maryland next weekend.”

Mom: “Oh, Dad didn’t tell me.”

Me: “Shocking.”

Mom: “Well, next time you email information like that, just include me on it, because Dad doesn’t tell me anything.”

Me: “Ok.”

Mom: “Actually, you know. There’s a secret way you can include me on the email, so he can’t even see.”

Me: “There IS?!?!?”

Mom: “Yes it’s called a blind copy.”

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Family Planning

Therapist: “So, you and Eric are talking about starting a family soon?”

Me: “Well, I mean, yeah. Not right this moment, but soon. We’re married and we both want kids and I’m not getting any younger, so…”

Therapist: “Yes, you’ve said that. But what about right now makes you feel more ready than when we’ve talked about it in the past?”

Me (thinking): “Well….we came up with a hilarious way to announce it on Facebook.”

Therapist:  img_2021-5

Me: “Oh, is that not a sign of readiness?”

Therapist: img_7086-2

Whatever, lady. Like anyone’s ready for this shit.