Tag Archives: birth

Remind Me to Thank Your Dad

Finishing a math lesson with a 5 year old….

Me: “Any questions?”

Kid: “Yeah. When that baby comes out of your vagina, is it going to hurt?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Kid: “Babies come out of vaginas, you know. My dad told me when I asked him how your baby was going to get out of you. He said it would come out of your vagina.”

Me: “Well, remind me to thank your dad. But what I meant was, do you have any MATH questions.”

Kid: “Ummmm…let me think.”

Me: “We just did a whole lesson about how to tell time and read a calendar. Do you have questions about THAT?”

(long pause)

Kid: “Oh! Yes. How many days on the calendar…”

Me: “Ok, that’s better…”

Kid: “…until that baby comes out of your vagina?”

img_1179-1

 

Dear God No

My OB sent me to a hematologist, who I saw today, because I tested positive as a carrier of Factor 11 Deficiency, which means I could have an issue with blood clotting…

Hematologist: “So the reason we test your Factor 11 levels is because of the epidural. If you test below a certain level, it will not be safe for you to have an epidural when you give birth.”

Me: “Umm…so then what do I do?”

Hematologist: “Well. You just give birth.”

Me: tenor-1.gif

Hematologist: “That was the end of the sentence. You just give birth. But, obviously, without the epidural.”

Me: tenor.gif

Hematologist: “It’s perfectly fine. People give birth all the time without–”

Me: 200.gif

 

So yeah. I imagined the birth going something like this cxX0Knc.gif but apparently it’s going to be more along the lines of this:

ap5.gif

May god have mercy on all our* souls.

*Eric’s