Tag Archives: parenthood

Family Planning, Part 2

(Related to Family Planning )

Eric just learned that his company offers paid paternity leave. This, naturally, lead to a serious, contemplative discussion about parenthood.

(No, I’m not pregnant).

FullSizeRender-1.jpgFullSizeRender.jpg

We’re obviously kidding, relax.

They’ll be a soccer team.

I hate football.

 

No. Just NO.

I am sitting in a large window nook at Starbucks doing work. The nook is meant for sitting– there is another woman here too, working on her laptop. As we’re typing away, a man walks in with a screaming baby. That’s fine– babies scream. You know what’s NOT fine? When he lay the baby down 6 INCHES FROM MY LAP and changed his shit-filled diaper, right next to my Peach Tranquility tea and half-eaten Kind bar.

Then, AFTER he changed the diaper, he took the baby to the bathroom with him so he could wash his hands, leaving the shit-filled wipes sitting on the ledge, right between me and the other woman.

starbucks2.jpg

 

This begs two questions:

  1. If you ended up taking the baby into the bathroom with you anyway, and therefore clearly knew there was an available bathroom, why didn’t you just change the baby in there?
  2. WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK?!

This is a public restaurant. WITH FOOD! People are eating and drinking. You are NOT allowed to whip out a mountain of poop in my face. At least not on purpose!

NYC lost 10 points today.

So did parenthood.

My Philosophy, Part 2

Quick update on this lady, who, as you will recall, inquired about a reading tutor for her 1-year-old…

We have a phone appointment this afternoon to discuss what it is, exactly, she means by “reading.” If it is a sane notion (aka “I’d like my baby to be read to, and perhaps exposed to the alphabet song”), then I might just consider taking the job. No one needs to tell her that these are tasks she– or an iPhone app– can handle for free.

She also mentioned in our email exchange that she is pregnant, so I expect to be asked about options for in-utero tutoring.

Stay tuned.

img_0982

Nothing More Annoying

In terms of wedding dress shopping (or life in general), there is pretty much nothing more annoying than when your mother disapproves of the choice you’ve made, and insists you explore other options because you just “never know.” Excuse me, but I am an adult, and I do know. I am perfectly capable of making this decision on my own. But fine, you came in to NYC, so I will humor you and go to ONE MORE PLACE and try on that dress that I would NEVER have thought to pick for myself, just so you can have the satisfaction of knowing I DID give your ridiculous opinions a shred of consideration.

Which leads us to the ONE thing in the world which is even MORE annoying than when your mother doesn’t trust your judgement–

When your mother is right.*

Bought the dress right on the spot.

About 398459238490 times better than the one I picked.

Thanks, Mom.

img_8546

*I reserve the right to deny this post during future arguments.