Tag Archives: doctor

Still Emily

Today I went to the OBGYN for a regular check up– my first one since giving birth to Sophie.

Receptionist (reviewing my forms): “Oh. We have you in the system as Emily. Did you change your name?”

Me: “What? No. Why?”

Receptionist: “Under patient name you wrote ‘Sophie.'”

Me: “Oh my god, I did? Sorry. That’s my daughter’s name. I’m always going to doctors for my kids and can’t remember the last time I had a check up for myself, I must have been on autopilot.”

Receptionist (smiles politely): “I see. So you’re still Emily?”

Me: “Yes, sorry.”

(awkward silence as she fixes my form)

Me: “You guys must see this all the time.”

Receptionist: “Never once!”


Urologist: “So I’m looking at your test results. First of all, you didn’t mention that you’re pregnant. That would certainly explain the frequent urination.”

Me: “What?!? I’m not pregnant!

Urologist (looking at results again): “According to this ultrasound report you are.”

Me: “What?! It says I’m pregnant?! But…”

Urologist: “Oh, oh. Nope. This isn’t your chart.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.


Not Better

Sitting here in the dermatologist waiting room, there is a teenage boy with severe acne, looking pretty sad. 

I wanted to lean over to him and whisper, “Don’t worry, it gets better,” but then I remembered that I’m here to get my moles checked for cancer. 

So it doesn’t really get better…it just gets…deadlier? 

I’m going to stay quiet. 


Oh I Hadn’t Thought of That

I started my therapy session by listing a few concerns…

Me: “My bladder is EXTREMELY overactive lately. Like I have to pee every 5 minutes and it’s really interfering with my life. I know for sure I don’t have a UTI. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been bruising really easily. So I went to the doctor and he did an ultrasound on my kidneys, liver, bladder, and uterus…but so far everything looks fine. I’m still waiting for the blood test results. But do you have any theories?”

Therapist: “It sounds like you’re drinking a lot of water. And bumping into things.”