Tag Archives: therapist

I’m Used to Talking About ME in Here

Therapist: “How’s Nora doing?”

Me: “She’s good! She’s a very busy lady, running around everywhere, excited about everything. But also very headstrong. Like today at the kid gym she just lost it. She ended up accidentally kicking a little girl in the face because she was throwing so much of a fit, just totally losing her shit, screaming and crying.”

Therapist: “Is she ok?”

Me: “Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. She was over it in 10 seconds. She was just upset that she had to wait her turn to go on the swing. She really doesn’t get that concept of turn taking, and she just gets herself really worked up. But she’s totally fine, it’s all normal toddler stuff. Thank you for asking, though.”

Therapist: “I meant the kid she kicked in the face.”

Me: “Huh?”

Therapist: “The little girl Nora kicked in the face– is she ok?”

Oh.

I don’t know….

Thinking_Face_Emoji

So There IS a Wrong Way To Do It

Therapist: “We’ve been talking about the importance of taking some time to meditate in order to relieve anxiety and practice mindfulness. How has that been going for you?”

Me: “Well, I do it every single day. No excuses.”

Therapist: “Really! That’s great! A lot of people find it very difficult to make time for it every day, so good for you.”

Me: “Yeah but I can’t say I’ve really noticed any benefits…”

Therapist: “That’s surprising. ┬áTell me about the conditions while you’re meditating.”

Me: “So, ok, I know you’re really supposed to sit up, but honestly I prefer to lay. It’s much more comfortable for me.”

Therapist: “That’s fine. There’s no wrong way to do it. ”

Me: “That’s what I figured. Also, I prefer to do it at night because my days are a little too busy.”

Therapist: “Ok, that’s fine.”

Me: “Ok, so I lay down every night, I close my eyes, slow my breath and try to clear my head and all that, but I just end up falling asleep every time.”

Therapist: “Ok, so. That’s not meditating.”

Me: “It’s not?”

Therapist: “No. That’s just you getting into bed and going to sleep at night.”

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Age 70

Therapist: “How has the motherhood balance been going?”

Me: “Actually much better lately. I’m definitely finding my groove. There’s still just like a constant underlying worry/anxiety, though.”

Therapist: “Right. But I think it’s fair to say that’s just what it is to be a parent.”

Me: “So the worrying never goes away?”

Therapist: “I’d say maybe around age 70.”

Me: “I have to wait until I’m 70?!”

Therapist: “No- until Nora is 70.”

Me: “But I’ll be dead.”

Therapist: “Exactly.”

So As You Can Tell, I’ve Been Listening

My therapist and I spend one full hour discussing motherhood, and my difficulty in finding balance in my life. We discuss strategies for coping with the mom-related anxiety. We talk about how to feel less overwhelmed by the huge responsibility of raising a child. We come up with a schedule that will allow me to spend quality time with Nora but still be able to do things for myself. We discuss the utter importance of carving out time to write, because writing provides immeasurable benefits to my mental health.

Therapist: “I’m glad we have a plan for you to find more balance. Motherhood can be hard, but you’re doing great. Now before the session ends, is there anything else going on that you think I should know about?”

Me: “Oh, yes– I stopped breastfeeding. So we’ll probably have to keep an eye on that, from a hormonal standpoint.”

Therapist: “Yes, definitely. And I think with stopping the breastfeeding, you’ll find you have a lot more time to do things for yourself, which will be wonderful.”

Me: “Totally.”

Therapist: “Is that why you decided to stop?”

Me: “Well, no, not exactly. It’s more that with all the crazy hormones that go along with breastfeeding, I really just wanted to get my body regulated again and back to baseline…”

Therapist: “I think that’s a great decision.”

Me: “…so we can have another kid.”

Therapist:game-of-thrones-dany-meme-1168366-1280x0.jpeg

 

Where DO They Go?

Me: “I think I’ve been a pretty reasonable parent so far. I just really want to avoid being the parent who cares TOO much– who hovers and obsesses and worries about every little thing her child does. But I definitely catch myself acting that way sometimes, so I fear I’m totally becoming that parent.”

Therapist: “You said you have a nanny part-time. Do you find it hard to relinquish control when the nanny comes to take care of Nora?”

Me: “Oh my god, NO. I count the seconds til she gets there and it’s an immediate hand off, as if we’re in a baton relay.”

Therapist: “Ok. And are Nora and the nanny always in sight when you’re home?”

Me: “What? No! The nanny immediately takes her out of the apartment.”

Therapist: “And where do they go?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

Therapist (10 second silence): “Yeah I don’t think you’re that parent who cares too much.”

Me: url

Therapist: “You might want to ask the nanny where they go.”

 

 

That IS Fair

My therapist and I discuss the experience of depressive episodes now that I’m a mom.

Me: “I’ve only experienced one depressive episode since having Nora, and luckily it was brief, but I’d say it was still miserable, just with a different twist. Like I always feel an immense amount of guilt when I’m depressed, but this time the guilt was mom-focused. I wasn’t able to really engage with Nora in the same way, and that made me feel like a terrible mother.”

Therapist: “When you say you couldn’t engage, what do you mean?”

Me: “Well like for example, she was just starting to roll over for the first time, and I couldn’t really connect with the experience in the way I wanted to. Like she was doing it and I was there witnessing it, but I just wasn’t…interested.”

Therapist: “Well, to be fair– that’s not interesting.”

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Waiting For Godot

Therapist: “So you haven’t really been blogging?”

Me: “No, not much since Nora was born.”

Therapist: “Well, it’s worth remembering that writing and blogging is your emotional and creative outlet. So that might explain why you’re feeling a bit stuck right now.”

Me: “Yeah. I know. I guess I’m just kind of waiting.”

Therapist: “Waiting for what?”

Me: “Like…waiting to feel like myself again. My normal self. Waiting to get my old groove back after having had a kid.”

Therapist: “I see….”

Me: url

(10 second silence)

Therapist: “That won’t happen until you die, you know.”