Me: “So, my building only allows dogs if it’s a medical necessity, and ’emotional support’ is considered a medical reason. Eric and I were thinking it might be a good idea for me to have a puppy around, so if you were to write a–”
Me: “So, I’m already having a really hard time this winter. I think I’m mildly depressed. I might need to up my meds. And I know what you’re going to say– that I don’t look depressed. That I look energetic and healthy. But don’t be fooled. That’s just because I’m trying REALLY HARD not to look depressed.”
Therapist: “No, I actually think you do look depressed.”
Therapist: “You don’t look well. For you.”
Me: “I see.”
Therapist: “You look tired.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Therapist: “Your eyes look a bit sunken in.”
Me: “So the makeup’s not working…”
Therapist: “There’s a grayness to you.”
Therapist: “And you’re slouching.”
Me: “I think that’s just a thing I do…”
Therapist: “And is that ranch dressing on your shirt?”
Me: “Ok enough.”
So much for trying hard.
“You know what I’ve found really helps? Getting dressed in the morning.”
— fellow work-from-homer, on how to combat winter blues.
Because sometimes, on the first day of winter, you need a list.
- Rob Kardashian
- I took a 10 minute pause here at #2 and stared blankly at the screen because I literally couldn’t think of anyone else. So I got up, retied my bathrobe, stretched what I’m pretty sure is the beginning of a weird-sleeping-position-induced torn rotator cuff, and took a brief walk from the living room to the other side of the living room (estimated distance 5 feet). I recognize this probably invalidates the entire concept of my list, but I’m sorry my work life is weirder than yours.
The dog on the 29th floor who shits in the stairwell (realized this list should be humans)
All characters on Shameless (realized this list should be real humans)
Michael Jackson (realized this list should be real humans who are still alive and who were not child molesters)
Bill Cosby (realized having it more together than a rapist isn’t great)
Paula Dean (same as above, swap rapist for racist. Also I think she’s pulled it together now, at least publicly. No? Ugh I don’t know, I haven’t thought about her in years, and I’m sure neither have you. I have no idea how she ended up on this list. You can see how desperate I’m getting.)
My night doorman who’s always asleep (No, you know what? Good for him.)
The dirty cat who lives in the corner store (I changed my mind about the “has to be a human” rule, then doubted my decision and changed my mind back again, because THAT’S WHAT LIVING IN MY HEAD IS LIKE. Also, even if I DID include non-humans, I’m not sure that cat could even make the list because, honestly, he does always look warm.)
- I give up.
This exercise really backfired.
I’ve been accused of being moody, but I really don’t think it’s too much to ask that everyone stay out of my damn way when I’m PMSing, when it’s Sunday night, when it’s all day Monday, or when it’s winter. The second half of autumn and any high-allergy spring is a risky time as well. Best to stay out of my damn way then, too.
I am absolutely delightful on June 29th.
“There’s an impending snowstorm” is one of my favorite excuses to hibernate all weekend and do nothing but sleep and eat.
Right up there with “I’m a teacher,” “I’m in my 30’s” and “This is just who I am.”
Eric: “Oh god….what IS that?”
Me: “The reason I had to make you fall in love with me before winter.”
I slathered half a jar of vaseline on my face.
Why yes, enthusiastic man on street– today IS the day I’d like to sponsor a child in Guatemala! In fact, let’s save ALL THE CHILDREN!!!!***
#daylightsavings #seasonalaffectivedisorder #itsabovefreezing #sunisshining
***Did not actually sponsor child. Can barely afford own life.