Tag Archives: teaching

This Mom Nailed It

Me: “So today we are going to read this biography about Barack Obama.”

Kid: “Oh! That’s my Dad’s Christmas dinner guest!”

Me: “Um…explain.”

Kid: “So every year everyone in my family decides who we would invite to our Christmas dinner that year, if we could invite anyone in the world. My dad chose Barack Obama.”

Me: “Oh, I love that! And who did YOU choose?”

Kid: “Taylor Swift.”

Me: “Also a good one. And your Mom?”

Kid: “She chose ‘any black female voter from Alabama.'”

Me: smilelaugh.jpg

Kid: “Yeah I didn’t really get it.”

The Defense Does NOT Hold Water

Me: “Did you do your homework?”

Kid: “No, I didn’t have time. With Christmas and all.”

Me: “Christmas is still 2 weeks away.”

Kid: “I know, but like. There’s a LOT that goes into Christmas, you know? There’s a lot of stuff that leads up to it. It’s not just like you’re busy on that ONE day.”

Me: “I guess…”

(15 minutes later)

Me: “So what IS your family doing for Christmas?”

Kid: “Oh, my family? Nothing. We’re Jewish.”

 

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Pretty Much

Kid and I are researching quotes for his paper about community action, and we come across a good quote by Nelson Mandela.

Me: “Ohhh, that’s a perfect one to use. Do you know who Nelson Mandela is?”

Kid: “Yeah of course.”

Me: “Oh, I’m impressed. I wouldn’t necessarily think a kid your age would know about him.”

Kid: “Well, my dad listens to his music all the time.”

Me: “Ummm…his music? Nelson Mandela was not a musician, as far as I know…”

Kid: “Yes, he’s a country singer!”

Me: “I think you’re thinking of someone else…”

Kid: “You know, (singing) ‘On the road again, Just can’t wait to get on the road again….'”

Me: “Oh, honey, no. That’s Willie Nelson. Not Nelson Mandela. They are two very VERY different people. Nelson Mandela ended apartheid in South Africa.”

Kid (pondering): “Ok but otherwise they’re pretty much the same.”

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Well Played

I had a kid fill out a math assessment for homework. There was some new content in it, so I told her if she really didn’t know how to answer a question, just write “no idea” underneath, and I’d help her in the next session.

So in the next session, I taught her the strategy she needed to use to answer the “no idea” question. Once she had a firm grip on the strategy, I said, with optimistic enthusiasm, “Ok, so let’s go back to that question where you wrote ‘no idea’ and see if we can change that answer!”

So she changed it.

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(but then….)

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Because come on that’s fucking hilarious.

The Right Thing To Say

Parent (to me): “So on my kid’s middle school application, I have to explain her multiple absences last year, what do you think I should put as the reason?”

Me: “Well. What WAS the reason?”

Parent: “My ex-husband is a useless dickbag and couldn’t get her to school in the morning while I worked.”

Me: “Um….’family circumstances?'”

Parent: “Oooooh, that’s GOOD! You know all the right things to say.”

Oh to be clear I would 100% write the dickbag thing.  In all caps, 30-point font, and with these emoji Eggplant_Emoji_large-1.pngx1f45c.png.pagespeed.ic.nYQcdHY6lD.png

It just seems you want to go in a different direction.

 

 

Nanny of the Year

Third graders are the best. Just barely on the cusp of having a clue.

Kid (out of NOWHERE): “Donald Trump is going to die, you know.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Kid: “Because he’s getting us into a war, and then he’s going to go fight in the war and he’ll die on the battlefield.”

Me: cracking-myself-up

Kid: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “The idea of Trump going onto a battlefield and actually being willing to fight in a war he started. Who told you this anyway?”

Kid: “My nanny.”

Me: “Ah.”

Kid: “She’s Mexican.”

Me: “I see.”

(long silence)

Kid: “She’s REALLY excited for him to die.”

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