(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Aaaaaaaand she ruined it.
“Here. I’m apposed to give you this. For your wedding.”
— Kid, age 4, wiping his runny nose and yogurt-covered mouth with his fingers, then using said fingers to hand me $100.
“I mean…it’s a LITTLE nerdy.”
— Kid, age 6, re: my backpack
“Oh my god, have so much fun [at your bachelorette party] tonight! At my bachelorette party I got so drunk, there were MULTIPLE strippers, and there are just these ridiculous photos of me hanging off of stripper poles and, like, penises EVERYWHERE.”
— Parent of former student, just now on the street, while holding her 5-year-old daughter’s hand.
One of my clients lives in my building….
“I’m on YouTube, you know.”
— Kid, age 6
“What are Spanx!?”
— 2nd grade boy, when I opened up my laptop to do a reading program with him and a HUGE photo of my latest online shopping purchase popped up.
Tutoring an 8th grader….
Me: “So I have a little treat for you. My bridal shower was this weekend and I have all these leftover cookies– would you like one?”
Kid: “Oh my god, you’re getting married?!”
Me: “Yes! In June.”
Kid: “Aw yay! You’re getting married! I really couldn’t figure out WHAT your deal was.”
“I think maybe a leotard, Moana’s necklace, and a Burger King crown on your head.”
— Kid, age 6, when I asked him what I should wear on my wedding day.