Category Archives: Kids

And Then Sometimes The Future Looks Promising

Working on a summer newsletter writing project with a middle schooler….

Me: “So what do you think you want to write about for your editorial piece? What’s an issue you are passionate about?”
Student: “I was going to write about about making the food in the school cafeteria better, because it’s pretty gross.”
Me: “Oh, great idea!”
Student: “But then I changed my mind, but I don’t know if you’ll let me write about it.”
Me: “Ok…”
Student: “I really want to write about what happened in Virginia, and how sad it makes me feel, and how I think we should all spread love and not hate. And how I think racism is wrong. And I know this might be weird but can I add an obituary section? I want people to remember the girl who died, Heather. I think she was a good person and people should remember her.”
Me:
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Lady, you found just the tutor!

A potential client called to inquire about writing lessons for her son

Potential Client: “I just want my kid to know how to write. In complete sentences. With punctuation and real words. Everything today is text-speak and emojis, I feel like he isn’t getting reinforcement for actual WRITING, and that’s still a skill that is extremely important, you know what I mean?”

Me:   img_3482

 

I got the job.

 

Get it Together, Kid

This kid does NOT enjoy learning math with me…

Kid: “This is SO BORING!!!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you think so. But sometimes life is boring.”

Kid: (screaming in dramatic agony) “BUT THAT’S TERRIBLE AND I HATE IT AND IT’S NO FAIR!!!”

Me: “I agree. Life isn’t fair. But do you see ME screaming my head off and wailing about it? No, you do not.”

Because I do that at home, alone, into a pillow. 

Kid (Sort of) Knows His Lyrics

Tutoring an 8 year old…

Me: “We’re going to have our Wednesday session on Monday instead, because I’m going to see Hamilton on Broadway.”

Kid: “Alexander Hamilton?!!!”

Me: “You know who he is?”

Kid: “Yes! A bastard, orphan…”

Me: “Oh, yikes, ok…”

Kid: “…son of a whore– AND a socks man! Which I think means he has a lot of socks. Or maybe he SELLS socks?”

Me: <head in hands>

Kid: “I’m not sure what a whore is, though.”

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Things City Kids Know

Tutoring a 7-year-old…

Kid: “How old are you? 21?”

Me (laughing): “No, close though. 35.”

Kid: “35?! So then you have kids, right?”

Me: “No, I do not.”

Kid: “But you’re older than 30. Everyone older than 30 has kids.”

Me: “That’s not true at all, lots of people over 30 don’t have kids, and many choose to never have kids.”

Kid: “No, all adults have kids.”

Me: “So, again, not true. I would LIKE to have kids, though. But not yet. I JUST got married!”

Kid: “But you don’t have to be married to have kids.”

Me: “Well, yes, THAT is true.”

Kid: “You don’t even have to be a mom and dad to have kids– you can be two moms or two dads. Or just a mom or just a dad.”

Me: “That is absolutely true as well.”

Kid: “I know. Duh.”

Me: “It’s funny to me that you know all THAT, but you don’t know that lots of people over 30 don’t have kids.”

Kid <thinks about it…then shrugs>: “I know what I know.”

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