Category Archives: Kids

My Spies Are Everywhere

When I take Nora to the kiddie gym, she insists on using the water fountain and is somewhat obsessed with it. Early on I had to implement a rule that she can have one sip before class and one sip after class (#thisismylifenow imgres-2). She’s been shockingly very compliant until today, when suddenly she whined, flailed, and resisted all my attempts to remove her from the fountain…

Me: “Nora, no. We take ONE sip. You know the rule.”
Random Nanny (sitting by fountain, without looking up from her newspaper): “I think maybe she is confused about the rule.”
Me: “It’s been the rule for months, I’ve been very consistent. I don’t know why she’d suddenly be confused.”
Random Nanny: “Because yesterday she was at the fountain for a VERY long time, until her whole outfit was soaked with water.”
Me: “Wait, what?”
Random Nanny: “SOAKED I tell you. Water EVERYwhere.”
Me: “No no, you’re mistaken– I wasn’t even here yesterday!”
Random Nanny: “Yes but Nora was. With your husband.”

img_1179-1

I’m Used to Talking About ME in Here

Therapist: “How’s Nora doing?”

Me: “She’s good! She’s a very busy lady, running around everywhere, excited about everything. But also very headstrong. Like today at the kid gym she just lost it. She ended up accidentally kicking a little girl in the face because she was throwing so much of a fit, just totally losing her shit, screaming and crying.”

Therapist: “Is she ok?”

Me: “Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. She was over it in 10 seconds. She was just upset that she had to wait her turn to go on the swing. She really doesn’t get that concept of turn taking, and she just gets herself really worked up. But she’s totally fine, it’s all normal toddler stuff. Thank you for asking, though.”

Therapist: “I meant the kid she kicked in the face.”

Me: “Huh?”

Therapist: “The little girl Nora kicked in the face– is she ok?”

Oh.

I don’t know….

Thinking_Face_Emoji

Religious Sensitivity

I attend a weekly music class with Nora that is legitimately awesome, as we live in New York City, so every person leading a kiddie music class is actually a Broadway star in the making, and their talent blows me away every time. I seriously feel like I get a small personal concert every Thursday morning. Today I was particularly excited because I knew the songs would be holiday themed.

When we arrived, the lead singer greeted us…

Singer (whispering aside): “I know you guys are Jewish. Don’t worry, this is all non-denominational. Just winter songs. We really try to be sensitive to all religions.”
Me: “Wow, that’s very considerate but REALLY not necessary!”
Singer: “No, it’s necessary. It’s the respectful thing to do.”
Me: “Aw, you guys are SO SWEET!”

If you don’t sing “All I Want For Christmas” I will legit murder everyone here.

img_1179-1

My Secret

At the kiddie gym this morning, Nora was being particularly social and adorable, walking up to kids and giving high fives, sharing her blocks, hugging all the nannies, and giggling at everything. I sat in the corner with a random dad, both of us watching her make her rounds, when the dad turned to me:

Random Dad: “Ok, so I have to know– what’s your secret?!”

Me (laughing): “Honestly, I don’t have one! I don’t know how she got this amazing, friendly, adorable personality. It’s certainly not from me! She takes after my husband more, I think. He’s very outgoing. But I’ll take some credit because she’s with me most of the day, so I guess I must be doing something right?”

Random Dad: “Oh. I meant how’d you get that coffee in here? They never let me bring mine in.”

Oh.

url

I’m So So SO Sorry

Nora, who is 14 months old, only wants to hang out with older kids, and she is particularly fond of these 3-year-old twin boys at the kiddie gym, Charlie and Nate. These boys are super rambunctious and she always ends up getting trampled on, but she doesn’t mind at all (if this attitude later transfers to dating, we’re fucked.)

So yesterday she was playing with the twins, falling all over the place and laughing her ass off. At one point, I went to the other side of the gym to get my water bottle, leaving her alone with the twins and their mom for a few seconds. Almost as soon as I walked away…

Twins’ Mom (yelling to me): “You need to get back here! It’s not safe to leave Nora alone with the boys!”

Me: “Oh, sorry I was just grabbing water, I’m coming right back. Besides, she’s fine. Honestly, she can handle it if she gets knocked around a bit. She’s tough.”

Twins’ Mom: “No– SHE just hurt Charlie! She’s playing too rough!”

Me (looks at Charlie, who is crying): “Oh my god! I am so so SO sorry!!!”

That your kid’s such a pussy.