Tag Archives: toddlers

Can You Kill It?

Since moving to the burbs, we’ve had issues with house flies, mainly because we are super bad at remembering to close the kitchen sliding door that leads to the deck. So naturally, we invested in a fly-swatter bulk pack (family style!) and are constantly running around the kitchen chasing flies, killing them, and then congratulating ourselves with a celebratory dance and a screamy notification to the whole house that “I KILLED THAT FUCKER!”

Nora watches all of this.

We really gotta start remembering that she’s there (for this reason and also, just like, in general.)

Because naturally, seeing this ritual in action then led her to believe that house flies are very scary and dangerous (necessitating the brutal killings and professionally choreographed victory dances). Therefore, whenever she’d see one, she’d scream, run away terrified, and yell “Mama, can you kill it?!!!”

It took some explaining to get her to see that flies are not dangerous and will not hurt her, so she doesn’t have to be afraid. Luckily, Nora is pretty smart for an almost-2-year-old, and before long, with some patience and gentle encouragement from me, she was able to see that house flies are not dangerous, they’re just annoying. Armed with this explanation, she was no longer terrified of them and started to say “Is ok, fly don’t hurt, is just annoying, Mama” whenever she’d spot one. She’d then waddle over to the table, grab the fly-swatter, and hand it over to me like the dutiful little partner-in-crime she is.

Yes, I will gladly accept my bouquet of parenting trophies.

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Flash forward a few days. Nora and I are on the deck.

Nora: “Mama, what’s dat sound?”

Me: “That’s Uncle Jeremy blasting music in the kitchen.”

Nora: “Why he so loud, Mama?”

Me: “You’re right, he IS being loud. But that’s ok. It’s no big deal, it’s just a little annoying.”

Nora: “Mama?”

Me: “Yes?”

Nora: (hands me fly-swatter) “Can you kill him?”

So no lesson is perfect.

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ARE we safer at Cha’s Cha’s House?

We’re quarantining here at my parents’ house, having decided it was best to escape the dangers and claustrophobia of Corona-ridden NYC. We’ve finally gotten Nora to the point where she can toddle around here and not kill herself on the huge iron-rimmed coffee table, multiple stairs, and stacked shelves of glass.

Then my mom gave her a huge box of miscellaneous toys to play with. Nora was super excited when she dug through the legos and found these:

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“Mama I eat it? Yes?”

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I’m Used to Talking About ME in Here

Therapist: “How’s Nora doing?”

Me: “She’s good! She’s a very busy lady, running around everywhere, excited about everything. But also very headstrong. Like today at the kid gym she just lost it. She ended up accidentally kicking a little girl in the face because she was throwing so much of a fit, just totally losing her shit, screaming and crying.”

Therapist: “Is she ok?”

Me: “Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. She was over it in 10 seconds. She was just upset that she had to wait her turn to go on the swing. She really doesn’t get that concept of turn taking, and she just gets herself really worked up. But she’s totally fine, it’s all normal toddler stuff. Thank you for asking, though.”

Therapist: “I meant the kid she kicked in the face.”

Me: “Huh?”

Therapist: “The little girl Nora kicked in the face– is she ok?”

Oh.

I don’t know….

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My Secret

At the kiddie gym this morning, Nora was being particularly social and adorable, walking up to kids and giving high fives, sharing her blocks, hugging all the nannies, and giggling at everything. I sat in the corner with a random dad, both of us watching her make her rounds, when the dad turned to me:

Random Dad: “Ok, so I have to know– what’s your secret?!”

Me (laughing): “Honestly, I don’t have one! I don’t know how she got this amazing, friendly, adorable personality. It’s certainly not from me! She takes after my husband more, I think. He’s very outgoing. But I’ll take some credit because she’s with me most of the day, so I guess I must be doing something right?”

Random Dad: “Oh. I meant how’d you get that coffee in here? They never let me bring mine in.”

Oh.

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Not Avoiding My Kid

Yesterday, around 5:50pm, I’m sitting on the couch in my apartment lobby, on my phone:

Doorman: “Let me guess– your nanny gets off at 6?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Doorman: “I’ve noticed you usually get home around 5:30 and then sit on the lobby couch until about 5:58.”

Me (laughing): “Ok, I know what you’re implying– but I’m not avoiding my kid! It’s just that I have work emails to send, and I’m better off doing it now rather than trying to do it in the apartment. Too many distractions. Nothing ever gets done.”

Doorman: “I see.”

Me: “It’s actually annoying to have to send all these emails, because honestly I just want to go up there right away and squeeze her.”

Doorman: “Well, don’t let me interrupt. Get back to that email.”

Me: “Thank you.”

My phone screen:

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Like a Tiny Well-Mannered Adult

A bunch of kids are gathered around the chalkboard at the kiddie gym, almost all of them with a snack:

Random Mom (to me): “How do you get your kid to eat so nicely and calmly? She’s like a tiny well-mannered adult!”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice of you to say! Um, I don’t know, I guess I just got lucky?”

Random Mom: “I just can’t believe she’s able to eat those blackberries without making ANY mess on her face.”

Me: “Oh. That’s actually not my kid…”

Random Mom: “Oh! Which one’s yours again? The kid with the cheerios in her hand?”

Me: “No…”

Random Mom: “Her? With the cheerios in the cup?”

Me: “No…”

Random Mom (sees no other choice): “With the cheerios stuck to her neck?”

Me: “Yes.”

(10 second silence)

Random Mom: “Are those even her cheerios?”

Me: “Nope.”

Random: “They’re in her hair too…”

Me: “I see that.”

Random: “How’d she even get them?”

Me: “Hard to say…”

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