We’re quarantining here at my parents’ house, having decided it was best to escape the dangers and claustrophobia of Corona-ridden NYC. We’ve finally gotten Nora to the point where she can toddle around here and not kill herself on the huge iron-rimmed coffee table, multiple stairs, and stacked shelves of glass.
Then my mom gave her a huge box of miscellaneous toys to play with. Nora was super excited when she dug through the legos and found these:
“Mama I eat it? Yes?”
“I see Momma! Momma doing poopies!”
— Nora, excitedly, to her teacher, while pointing at me sitting on a stool in the corner of the classroom, scrolling through my phone.
Therapist: “How’s Nora doing?”
Me: “She’s good! She’s a very busy lady, running around everywhere, excited about everything. But also very headstrong. Like today at the kid gym she just lost it. She ended up accidentally kicking a little girl in the face because she was throwing so much of a fit, just totally losing her shit, screaming and crying.”
Therapist: “Is she ok?”
Me: “Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. She was over it in 10 seconds. She was just upset that she had to wait her turn to go on the swing. She really doesn’t get that concept of turn taking, and she just gets herself really worked up. But she’s totally fine, it’s all normal toddler stuff. Thank you for asking, though.”
Therapist: “I meant the kid she kicked in the face.”
Therapist: “The little girl Nora kicked in the face– is she ok?”
I don’t know….
Nora: (hits my arm)
Me: “Nora, we do NOT hit. If you do it again, it’s time out. You want a time out?”
Nora: “Yes.” (hits me again) “Now I go time out, Mama.”
(gets up off couch, run-waddles to nursery, slams door)
What. The fuck. Just happened.
At the kiddie gym this morning, Nora was being particularly social and adorable, walking up to kids and giving high fives, sharing her blocks, hugging all the nannies, and giggling at everything. I sat in the corner with a random dad, both of us watching her make her rounds, when the dad turned to me:
Random Dad: “Ok, so I have to know– what’s your secret?!”
Me (laughing): “Honestly, I don’t have one! I don’t know how she got this amazing, friendly, adorable personality. It’s certainly not from me! She takes after my husband more, I think. He’s very outgoing. But I’ll take some credit because she’s with me most of the day, so I guess I must be doing something right?”
Random Dad: “Oh. I meant how’d you get that coffee in here? They never let me bring mine in.”
Yesterday, around 5:50pm, I’m sitting on the couch in my apartment lobby, on my phone:
Doorman: “Let me guess– your nanny gets off at 6?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Doorman: “I’ve noticed you usually get home around 5:30 and then sit on the lobby couch until about 5:58.”
Me (laughing): “Ok, I know what you’re implying– but I’m not avoiding my kid! It’s just that I have work emails to send, and I’m better off doing it now rather than trying to do it in the apartment. Too many distractions. Nothing ever gets done.”
Doorman: “I see.”
Me: “It’s actually annoying to have to send all these emails, because honestly I just want to go up there right away and squeeze her.”
Doorman: “Well, don’t let me interrupt. Get back to that email.”
Me: “Thank you.”
My phone screen:
— Nora, when she sees wine.
A bunch of kids are gathered around the chalkboard at the kiddie gym, almost all of them with a snack:
Random Mom (to me): “How do you get your kid to eat so nicely and calmly? She’s like a tiny well-mannered adult!”
Me: “Oh, that’s nice of you to say! Um, I don’t know, I guess I just got lucky?”
Random Mom: “I just can’t believe she’s able to eat those blackberries without making ANY mess on her face.”
Me: “Oh. That’s actually not my kid…”
Random Mom: “Oh! Which one’s yours again? The kid with the cheerios in her hand?”
Random Mom: “Her? With the cheerios in the cup?”
Random Mom (sees no other choice): “With the cheerios stuck to her neck?”
(10 second silence)
Random Mom: “Are those even her cheerios?”
Random: “They’re in her hair too…”
Me: “I see that.”
Random: “How’d she even get them?”
Me: “Hard to say…”
Steph went to retrieve my nephew after his nap, and encountered him with poop all over his hands. Seems he woke up early, got bored, and found a way to entertain himself.
Kid is nothing if not resourceful.
(After Steph sends photo….)
“If you poop on the potty, I’ll make you a martini.”
— Big Steve, helping to potty train The Boog