At the kiddie gym this morning, Nora was being particularly social and adorable, walking up to kids and giving high fives, sharing her blocks, hugging all the nannies, and giggling at everything. I sat in the corner with a random dad, both of us watching her make her rounds, when the dad turned to me:
Random Dad: “Ok, so I have to know– what’s your secret?!”
Me (laughing): “Honestly, I don’t have one! I don’t know how she got this amazing, friendly, adorable personality. It’s certainly not from me! She takes after my husband more, I think. He’s very outgoing. But I’ll take some credit because she’s with me most of the day, so I guess I must be doing something right?”
Random Dad: “Oh. I meant how’d you get that coffee in here? They never let me bring mine in.”
Rushing to kiddie class this morning, I’m pushing Nora’s stroller down the street when I get stuck behind the world’s slowest stroller-pushing woman on the world’s narrowest sidewalk. At one point, thank god, the sidewalk widens, and so I take this opportunity to speed up and bypass the woman and her stroller. I guess she didn’t appreciate this maneuver, as she then yelled, “Excuse me– don’t think you’re better than me just because you have a bigger, fancier stroller!”
Which is absurd.
Your stroller is carrying a 30-pound cat.
THAT is why I’m better than you.
After class at the kiddie gym:
Other Mom (to me): “Well that was a fun class!”
Me: “I know, I agree! And I’m so glad that [your kid] and Nora are really becoming friends now.”
Other Mom: “Me too! And speaking of, I think it’s time we actually learn each other’s names!”
Me: “Oh! Ha, yes, we should– I’m Emily.”
Other Mom: “Nice to ACTUALLY meet you! I’m Cheryl.”
I fucking know, Cheryl. That’s why I’ve greeted you with “Good morning Cheryl!” every day for the past 3 months.
A woman at the playground is doing her best at disciplining, but is clearly struggling…
Woman: “Now, Sophie, I’m going to ask you again– was that a smart strategy?”
Sophie: (blank stare)
Woman: “We’ve talked about this before. And what did I tell you?”
Sophie: (blank stare)
Woman: “Come on, I know you remember. What did I tell you about making smart choices?”
Sophie: (looks away)
Woman: “Sophie! I’m talking to you. And we’re not going anywhere until you answer me.”
Me: “Um, sorry– I don’t mean to intrude but I don’t think she’s going to answer….”
Woman: “Oh trust me, she will. She’s just thinking about her actions. When she’s ready, she’ll respond. Right Sophie?”
Sophie: (looks at ground)
Me: “Ok…I guess what do I know? Good luck!”
Woman: “Thank you. Now, Sophie– I’m still waiting. What did we talk about yesterday? What would be a smarter strategy than the one you chose?”
Sophie is a dog.
A bunch of kids are gathered around the chalkboard at the kiddie gym, almost all of them with a snack:
Random Mom (to me): “How do you get your kid to eat so nicely and calmly? She’s like a tiny well-mannered adult!”
Me: “Oh, that’s nice of you to say! Um, I don’t know, I guess I just got lucky?”
Random Mom: “I just can’t believe she’s able to eat those blackberries without making ANY mess on her face.”
Me: “Oh. That’s actually not my kid…”
Random Mom: “Oh! Which one’s yours again? The kid with the cheerios in her hand?”
Random Mom: “Her? With the cheerios in the cup?”
Random Mom (sees no other choice): “With the cheerios stuck to her neck?”
(10 second silence)
Random Mom: “Are those even her cheerios?”
Random: “They’re in her hair too…”
Me: “I see that.”
Random: “How’d she even get them?”
Me: “Hard to say…”
During class at the kiddie gym…
Instructor (about Nora): “You know, you’re really good with her. Like, REALLY good.”
Me: “Oh my gosh thank you so much! I appreciate you saying that.”
Instructor: “Yeah and trust me I’ve seen a LOT of nannies. I hope they’re paying you well.”
In Union Square, a standard pamphlet-waving, presumably Jesus-preaching weirdo approaches me…
Weirdo: “Oh, honey. I really think I can help you.”
Me: “Um, yeah no thanks, I don’t need to be saved by Jesus today .”
Weirdo: “Oh no no– I’m a stylist.”
Thank you to all the strangers constantly stopping me in public to compliment Nora.
I agree that she is the world’s most handsome little boy.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Ummm…about what? Fun? Culture? The world? LIFE OUTSIDE YOUR BATSHIT GRIP?!