Testing my 4-year-old nephew’s understanding of familial relationships:
Tyler: “Moms are always the bosses.”
Steph: “That’s right. And who is MY mom?”
Tyler: “Cha Cha!”
Steph: “Good. And who is YOUR mom?”
Tyler: “You are!”
Me: “Hey Tyler- who am I the mom of?”
Tyler: “Uncle Eric.”
Nora, every second I’m alone with her:
Nora, every time I just want silence:
Nora, the second someone asks me if she’s talking yet and I say “Yes! She babbles all day and says a bunch of real words! Nora, show them how much you talk!”:
“Come on Nora, you talk to Mom all day at home! You never stop! Show them how you say “hi!” or “bye!” or “cheese!””
“Ok Nora, please say something, because now you’re just making Mom look like an asshole.”
Nora had a second surgery on Monday to remove a cyst that had developed on one of the suture sites, and to remove one of the four silicone slings holding her eyelids up.
Surgeon (right before surgery): “[lengthy explanation of everything he will do, process and risks of anesthesia, post-op care, etc ]….and that’s it. It should be a quick surgery, about 20 minutes. Do you have any questions before we take her into the operating room?”
Me: “Only 20 minutes? So I won’t have time to get an ice cream downstairs?”
I had time.
Kid: “Wow, you look so pretty!”
Me (admittedly blushing): “Oh my goodness thank you that’s so unexpected but so sweet!”
Kid (confused): “It wasn’t a compliment, but ok.”
Me: “Telling me I’m pretty isn’t a compliment?”
Kid: “I didn’t say you looked pretty, I said you looked sweaty.”
Kid: “You did that thing my mom always says I do.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Kid: “Hearing what you want to hear.”
Me: “Hahah yeah I guess so!”
I hate you.
Given the various issues we experienced during my last pregnancy and in the past year, Eric and I thought it would be wise and responsible to make a list of factors we need to very seriously consider before having a second child.
Here’s the final list:
- Not birthing it during Outer Banks family vacation.
Eric sits down with Nora, who is playing with her new favorite toy– a box of tampons….
Eric: “Hey! Did you find a new toy? You like tampons? You’ll use tampons one day, you know. Dad’s not gonna wanna hear about it. (picks one up, examines wrapper) Look, this one says ‘L’ on it…and this one says ‘R’. Huh, they make different tampons for righties and lefties? Who knew!”
A man in the elevator smiles at Nora…
Man: “A boy, right?”
Me: “Sure, it’s possible.”
Me: “No gender identity has been expressed yet….”
Me: “She has a vagina, though.”
Me: “Have a nice day!” (exit elevator. High five Nora.)
I took Nora to a music class in the park this morning, and the kid next to her was dancing up a storm:
Me: “Look at her go! How old is she?”
Nanny: “Just turned one. Her Mom used to be a Rockette, so you can see she got the dancing gene.”
Me: “Totally! That’s great.”
Nanny: “Your baby has good rhythm too! You must be a really good dancer!”
Me: “Well, I don’t want to brag but….yes. Yes I am.”
Actual footage of me at my friend’s wedding this weekend:
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)