Tag Archives: therapy

I’m Used to Talking About ME in Here

Therapist: “How’s Nora doing?”

Me: “She’s good! She’s a very busy lady, running around everywhere, excited about everything. But also very headstrong. Like today at the kid gym she just lost it. She ended up accidentally kicking a little girl in the face because she was throwing so much of a fit, just totally losing her shit, screaming and crying.”

Therapist: “Is she ok?”

Me: “Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. She was over it in 10 seconds. She was just upset that she had to wait her turn to go on the swing. She really doesn’t get that concept of turn taking, and she just gets herself really worked up. But she’s totally fine, it’s all normal toddler stuff. Thank you for asking, though.”

Therapist: “I meant the kid she kicked in the face.”

Me: “Huh?”

Therapist: “The little girl Nora kicked in the face– is she ok?”

Oh.

I don’t know….

Thinking_Face_Emoji

So There IS a Wrong Way To Do It

Therapist: “We’ve been talking about the importance of taking some time to meditate in order to relieve anxiety and practice mindfulness. How has that been going for you?”

Me: “Well, I do it every single day. No excuses.”

Therapist: “Really! That’s great! A lot of people find it very difficult to make time for it every day, so good for you.”

Me: “Yeah but I can’t say I’ve really noticed any benefits…”

Therapist: “That’s surprising.  Tell me about the conditions while you’re meditating.”

Me: “So, ok, I know you’re really supposed to sit up, but honestly I prefer to lay. It’s much more comfortable for me.”

Therapist: “That’s fine. There’s no wrong way to do it. ”

Me: “That’s what I figured. Also, I prefer to do it at night because my days are a little too busy.”

Therapist: “Ok, that’s fine.”

Me: “Ok, so I lay down every night, I close my eyes, slow my breath and try to clear my head and all that, but I just end up falling asleep every time.”

Therapist: “Ok, so. That’s not meditating.”

Me: “It’s not?”

Therapist: “No. That’s just you getting into bed and going to sleep at night.”

Thinking_Face_Emoji

Like, REAL air?

That she is not in fact a robot will never cease to take me by surprise:

Me: “So yeah, sometimes all the ‘what ifs’ really paralyze me, in terms of all the bad things that could possibly happen to Nora.”

Therapist: “Of course. As parents, we will always feel that to a degree.”

Me: “Wait– YOU’RE a PARENT?”

Therapist: “Yes, to a 13-year-old daughter….”

Me: “You have a DAUGHTER?!”

Therapist: “…and a 9 year old daughter.”

Me: “You have TWO daughters??!!”

Therapist: “Yes, so I know that feeling….”

Me: “You have FEELINGS?”

Therapist: “…. of being so scared for your child, you forget how to breathe air.”

Me: “You BREATHE AIR?!”

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Not Postpartum Depression

Speaking with a new mom I met in our building, who has a son around Nora’s age, I mention that as much as I’m completely in love with my daughter, I’ve definitely had some bumps along the way in adjusting to motherhood.

Her: “Ugh, I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with postpartum depression.”

Me: “Oh, you’re very sweet and I appreciate that so much, but I actually, very fortunately, have NOT had to deal with postpartum depression.”

Her: “Oh, my bad! I just thought from what you were saying…it sounded like a postpartum depression type thing.”

Me: “Oh, no. I actually was very nervous I’d have postpartum depression because I’m definitely at risk. But surprisingly I didn’t. What I’m talking about is just like normal parenthood transition stuff, you know?”

Her: url

Me: “Maybe you DON’T know…”

Her: “I don’t know, I guess I just haven’t found the transition difficult at all.  It’s really only brought me joy.”

Me: “Wow, that’s awesome. You’ve really never been totally overwhelmed? Or anxious about the huge responsibility of raising a human? Or even just like ‘AHHHH I miss my old life!?'”

Her: “Honestly, no. I love every second of it. Is that weird?”

Me: “I mean no, it’s amazing! Good for you.  ENJOY IT!”

You lying cunt.

 

 

Age 70

Therapist: “How has the motherhood balance been going?”

Me: “Actually much better lately. I’m definitely finding my groove. There’s still just like a constant underlying worry/anxiety, though.”

Therapist: “Right. But I think it’s fair to say that’s just what it is to be a parent.”

Me: “So the worrying never goes away?”

Therapist: “I’d say maybe around age 70.”

Me: “I have to wait until I’m 70?!”

Therapist: “No- until Nora is 70.”

Me: “But I’ll be dead.”

Therapist: “Exactly.”

So As You Can Tell, I’ve Been Listening

My therapist and I spend one full hour discussing motherhood, and my difficulty in finding balance in my life. We discuss strategies for coping with the mom-related anxiety. We talk about how to feel less overwhelmed by the huge responsibility of raising a child. We come up with a schedule that will allow me to spend quality time with Nora but still be able to do things for myself. We discuss the utter importance of carving out time to write, because writing provides immeasurable benefits to my mental health.

Therapist: “I’m glad we have a plan for you to find more balance. Motherhood can be hard, but you’re doing great. Now before the session ends, is there anything else going on that you think I should know about?”

Me: “Oh, yes– I stopped breastfeeding. So we’ll probably have to keep an eye on that, from a hormonal standpoint.”

Therapist: “Yes, definitely. And I think with stopping the breastfeeding, you’ll find you have a lot more time to do things for yourself, which will be wonderful.”

Me: “Totally.”

Therapist: “Is that why you decided to stop?”

Me: “Well, no, not exactly. It’s more that with all the crazy hormones that go along with breastfeeding, I really just wanted to get my body regulated again and back to baseline…”

Therapist: “I think that’s a great decision.”

Me: “…so we can have another kid.”

Therapist:game-of-thrones-dany-meme-1168366-1280x0.jpeg