Tag Archives: teaching

She KNEW it!!

Giving a kid a spelling test on homophones, I provide sentences for context. So for sun/son, I say:

“The SUN is shining brightly.”
“My SON is still a young baby.”

Kid: tumblr_inline_n1ojj6zKaC1qknuzb.gif
Me: “Excuse me?”
Kid: “My mom said your baby was a girl but I always see the picture on your phone and I told her it’s not a girl it’s DEFINITELY a boy! Like he’s the most boy-looking boy ever!”
Me: “That sentence was just to give context for your spelling test– it wasn’t true. I don’t have a son. I have a daughter.”
Kid: “Oh.”

(awkward silence)

Kid: “She’s VERY pretty.”

img_1179-1

So Pretty!

Kid: “Wow, you look so pretty!”
Me (admittedly blushing): “Oh my goodness thank you that’s so unexpected but so sweet!”
Kid (confused): “It wasn’t a compliment, but ok.”
Me: “Telling me I’m pretty isn’t a compliment?”
Kid: “Sweaty.”
Me: “What?”
Kid: “I didn’t say you looked pretty, I said you looked sweaty.”
Me: “Oh.”
Kid: “You did that thing my mom always says I do.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Kid: “Hearing what you want to hear.”
Me: “Hahah yeah I guess so!”

I hate you.

img_1179-1

Like My Toilet

Kid: “You smell like my toilet.”
Me: “Excuse me? That’s not a very nice thing to say.”
Kid: “But it’s true though!”
Me: “Do your math.”
 
One hour later, after I use his bathroom and notice he has the same hand lotion on his toilet that I use.
 
Me: “Wait! So did you mean I smell like that lotion you keep on your toilet?”
Kid: “Yeah. That’s what I said– you smell like my toilet.”
Me: “There’s a better way to say that.”
Kid: “Oh, sorry.”
(pause)
Kid: “You smell the SAME as my toilet.”
 
img_1179-1

Bilingual

My sister: “It’s great having a nanny from Colombia because now Tyler is learning to speak Spanish.”

Me: “Yeah I mean that’s cool and all but anyone can learn Spanish– they teach that in school. Thanks to my nanny Nora will learn to speak…

(googles language of Trinidad)

FullSizeRender.jpeg

Oh.

url

Goddamnit.

Infinity

Kid: “What’s the highest number?”

Me: “There is no highest number. Numbers keep going and going and going…they are infinite.”

Kid: “What’s infinite?”

Me: “Having no end. Numbers go to infinity…”

Kid: “Then that’s the end. Infinity.”

Me: “Well, no– the very definition of infinity is ‘no end.'”

Kid: “So infinity is NOT the highest number?”

Me: “Infinity isn’t actually even a number, it’s a concept.”

Kid: “What’s a concept?”

Me: “Like, an idea…”

Kid: “So infinity is the highest idea?”

Me: “Well, no, there’s no ‘highest idea.’ That’s not a thing.”

Kid: “I don’t get it. What’s infinity then?”

Me: “It’s hard to explain.”

Kid: (silence)

Me: (prays conversation is over)

Kid: “So like, is there an infinity and one?”

th.gif

The Thing Is

Giving a spelling assessment to a 3rd grader I’ve worked with for years:

Me: “Next, spell ‘daughter.’ As in, ‘I gave birth to my daughter, Nora, in August.'”

Kid: “You have a daughter?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Kid: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “I was here the day before I gave birth. When I came back to work in November, you gave me a gift for the baby. You asked me her name, and I told you it was ‘Nora,’ and you said it was a pretty name.”

Kid: url

Me: “You seriously don’t remember any of this?”

Kid: “The thing is, I only remember things I care about.”