Tag Archives: dogs

Puppy Update

A little while ago, I declared on social media that we were getting a puppy. I posted a picture of Nippie (below), our future dog’s mother, and announced that our pup would be arriving at Christmas. The internet went crazy (re: the photo got like 6 Facebook likes and 2 Wow! faces).

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Well, that is no longer happening.

The breeder told us that Nippie, a sassy little minx of a Swedish Vallhund (wtf is a Swedish Vallhund? We don’t exactly know, we just know it looks like a Corgi-wolf, which sounds like a mini version of a Direwolf, which sounds fucking awesome), would be the next dog in her batch to get preggo. The breeder had found a worthy match for Nippie (Vad, a show dog/cocky little son of a bitch), and, she assured us, the sparks would inevitably fly. 

Wrong.

Nippie has chosen not to take a lover this season.

Maybe she just wasn’t that into Vad. Maybe she prefers a more down-to-earth dude. Maybe she’s a lesbian. Maybe she just needs a little wine to get in the mood. Maybe she’s on anti depressants that sometimes totally kill her sex drive. Maybe I should stop talking about myself.

Anyway, it’s not happening.

Yet.

After Nippie decided she was too good for Vad’s lovin’, I then decided I was too much of a nuerotic, seasonal-affective hermit-weirdo to train a puppy in the winter. So we’re still getting a dog, but it’s not happening until the spring, and it might be a different breed than first announced.

Truth be told, were not even sure what we CAN get, because Eric is randomly allergic to every other kind of dog breed on Earth (and ALL cats, because cats are terrible creatures that shouldn’t exist). The only way he knows for sure is if he rubs his face vigourously into a dog’s coat, which, by the way, is exactly what happens every time he sees one on the streets of NYC. This has caused awkward moments with half the city’s pet-owners, but at least he has his method down to a science.

I make him shower 7 times a day.

The problem is that we have never actually met a Swedish Vallhund, we just hear they are “less sheddy” than corgis. But a corgi is all Eric really wants in life. The last time he rubbed his face on one (about a month ago, on the way to Mexican dinner, where he ordered fajitas and did not wash his hands), he had no allergic reaction.  But the idea of getting a dog that sheds its entire coat twice a year seems…unwise? Plus, do I really want to clean all that hair around the apartment? I don’t even clean MY hair!

That has not stopped Eric from sending me no less than 637 corgi Instagram videos a day.

So that’s where we are– wanting a puppy in the spring, but still not sure which kind or how exactly to go about it.

Suggestions welcome.

 

 

The Difference Between Me and Eric

Eric: “The woman breeding our future puppy was so nice when I spoke to her on the phone, and she really just breeds for the love of it– in fact, once the dog is ours she wants us to keep her updated on how he’s doing, because she cares that much about each of her pups, she just likes to know what they’re up to. How nice is that?”

Me: “You mean we have to keep talking to her?”

Etiquette

Given the tagline of this blog, or what anyone can decipher from reading no less than three random posts, etiquette is not really my thing. I just don’t know the rules, and somehow I’ve reached age 35 without developing any kind of learned or innate sense for them. So help me out here.

Eric and I received a card from people who attended our wedding. We are prettttttty sure, given the wording of the card, and given who these people are, that they meant to include a check, but forgot.

Now, to be clear, it’s not that we’re so concerned with getting a gift, we just think these people would want to know if they forgot to send it. Right?

Also we want our fucking gift.

No no jk. Seriously, it’s the first reason I said.

So what’s the next step here? We considered calling them and being like, “Hey, cool card! I think the money fell out!” but there’s still that 5% chance they purposely chose to not give a gift.

Here are some ideas we’ve come up with:

  1. Write them a thank you card for their card.
  2. Split Uber fares with them until we’ve totaled the amount we’re pretty sure they would’ve given us.
  3. Have another wedding and let them try again.
  4. Instead of posting this post, “accidentally” email it to them.
  5. If doing #4, erase #4. And #5.
  6. Buy a corgi, send a thank you card for said corgi, include receipt for corgi, along with this emoji img_3482. When they call us to be like “Um, we didn’t buy you a corgi,” be like “You didn’t? The corgi guy said it was from you! Sorry, what DID you get us?” and when they’re like, “We sent a check,” we’ll be like, “Ohhh, funny thing, we actually got a card from you and there was no check in it!” and then we all laugh and they re-send a check and we pay for the corgi ourselves.
  7. Do #6, but if instead of saying “We sent a check” they say “We gave you a card,” say “WELL NOW YOU GOT US A CORGI TOO, MOTHERFUCKERS!” and hang up. Laugh maniacally. Stroke corgi.
  8. Post this post, have everyone who sent us a card wonder if they are the subjects of it. Field many texts.