Tag Archives: football

Family Planning, Part 2

(Related to Family Planning )

Eric just learned that his company offers paid paternity leave. This, naturally, lead to a serious, contemplative discussion about parenthood.

(No, I’m not pregnant).

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We’re obviously kidding, relax.

They’ll be a soccer team.

I hate football.

 

Now You Know How I Feel

I did a summer writing project with a 4th grader, who had free rein to choose a topic for an editorial, narrative, and informational piece. He chose football for all three. I warned him this was not my area of expertise.

Me (editing his piece): “What do you mean by ‘it makes it harder for the offense to juke?'”

Kid: “Like, for the player to change direction to avoid another player.”

Me: “Ah, got it. And what is ‘an audible?'”

Kid: “Seriously?”

Me: “I only know the adjective ‘audible.'”

Kid (head in hands, frustrated): “Oh, my god, Miss Emily. It’s like I have to explain EVERYTHING.”

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I’ve Already Ruined Super Bowl Sunday

Watching a super bowl pre-game show, the hosts mention Michael Strahan.

Me: “Wait…Michael Strahan?”

Eric (nervous): “Yeah…”

Me: “He used to play football?”

Eric: <disbelieving silence>

Me: “Like, before he was Kelly Ripa’s sidekick?”

Eric: <rubbing temples>

I’m going to say less things for the rest of the day.

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What is Love?

Manicurist: “THIS color? You sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manicurist: “No one choose this color. I never open.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll bet. But the Broncos are in the super bowl and my boyfriend is a HUGE fan. So I’m supporting him.”

Woman sitting next to me: “That’s so funny, I was going to do the same thing!”

Me: “Really?”

Woman: “Yeah. But then I saw the color and was like ‘Nope. Can’t do it. Too ugly. Wayyyy too ugly.'”

She’s not wrong.

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A Sincere Thank You

For those of you who don’t know (and if you’re my Facebook friend, that is damn near impossible– unless you’ve blocked me from your newsfeed, which would be entirely understandable and something I would probably do), I am running the NYC Half Marathon on March 20th to raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in honor of Eric, my wonderful boyfriend and a Type 1 diabetic. I’ve done FB thank you’s and sent emails/texts (maybe even put in a few VOICE calls! No just kidding I didn’t), but I wanted to also use the blog as a platform to express my sincerest gratitude to everyone who has donated to the fundraiser so far. I am astounded by how quickly I was able to reach and exceed my goal, thanks to all of you– your kindness and generosity never ceases to amaze me, dear friends and family (time and time and time again. And again. I know I fundraise a LOT….)

And just a quick special shout-out to Eric’s friends (aka, my new friends— because what’s his is mine and what’s mine is ours…). I definitely felt like a weirdo sending you guys solicitation requests, but I know how much you care about Eric and figured *maybe* you’d be interested in throwing some change to the cause in his honor. But you have COMPLETELY exceeded that expectation– and then some. So thank you from the very bottom of my heart, and, of course, from the very bottom of Eric’s heart…

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Eric’s heart isn’t that deep. I don’t know, maybe it’s the diabetes.

GO BRONCOS!!!!!

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(I told him no, by the way. He understood. Kind of.)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, FRIENDS!!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!