Tag Archives: football

Family Planning, Part 2

(Related to Family Planning )

Eric just learned that his company offers paid paternity leave. This, naturally, lead to a serious, contemplative discussion about parenthood.

(No, I’m not pregnant).


We’re obviously kidding, relax.

They’ll be a soccer team.

I hate football.


Now You Know How I Feel

I did a summer writing project with a 4th grader, who had free rein to choose a topic for an editorial, narrative, and informational piece. He chose football for all three. I warned him this was not my area of expertise.

Me (editing his piece): “What do you mean by ‘it makes it harder for the offense to juke?'”

Kid: “Like, for the player to change direction to avoid another player.”

Me: “Ah, got it. And what is ‘an audible?'”

Kid: “Seriously?”

Me: “I only know the adjective ‘audible.'”

Kid (head in hands, frustrated): “Oh, my god, Miss Emily. It’s like I have to explain EVERYTHING.”


I’ve Already Ruined Super Bowl Sunday

Watching a super bowl pre-game show, the hosts mention Michael Strahan.

Me: “Wait…Michael Strahan?”

Eric (nervous): “Yeah…”

Me: “He used to play football?”

Eric: <disbelieving silence>

Me: “Like, before he was Kelly Ripa’s sidekick?”

Eric: <rubbing temples>

I’m going to say less things for the rest of the day.


What is Love?

Manicurist: “THIS color? You sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manicurist: “No one choose this color. I never open.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll bet. But the Broncos are in the super bowl and my boyfriend is a HUGE fan. So I’m supporting him.”

Woman sitting next to me: “That’s so funny, I was going to do the same thing!”

Me: “Really?”

Woman: “Yeah. But then I saw the color and was like ‘Nope. Can’t do it. Too ugly. Wayyyy too ugly.'”

She’s not wrong.