Tag Archives: sexism

Alabama

Every man I encounter, to Nora: “Oh, look at you, handsome boy!”

Me (very nicely): “Haha she’s actually a girl but thank you! She will take the compliment on her good looks!”

(abortion becomes outlawed in Alabama)

Every man I encounter, to Nora: “Oh, look at you, handsome boy!”

Me: “Oh you WOULD think she’s a boy. OF COURSE YOU WOULD. BOYS RULE THE WORLD, RIGHT? EVERYTHING IS BOYS, BOYS, BOYS AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT GIRLS. WELL SHE MIGHT LOOK LIKE A BOY BUT SHE’S GOING TO GROW UP AND KICK YOUR ASS BECAUSE THE FUTURE IS FEMALE MOTHERFUCKER!”

So yeah I’m upset.

It’s a Win-Win For You, Men

Me at the gym today:

Guy (staring at my belly): “Congrats! When are you due?”
Me: “How DARE you assume I’m pregnant! What if I had just gained weight?! Learn some manners, presumptuous asshole.”

Me on the subway today:

Guy (staring at my belly): <does nothing>
Me: “How DARE you not stand up and give me your seat! I am CLEARLY pregnant! Learn some manners, selfish asshole.”

Me, pregnant, generally:

Guys: <not looking at me>
Me: “Oh so now that I’m pregnant I’m no longer attractive?! Men are such superficial assholes.”

Me, not pregnant, generally:

Guys: <looking at me>
Me: “Fucking perverts. All of you.”

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Please Hold While I Get Your Medal

Eric: “So I was just with an older woman in the laundry room and she sees me putting clothes in the dryer and she’s like ‘What is this– a man doing the laundry? Really?’ And I was like ‘Yeah, of course!’ and she’s like ‘Really? Wow. Your wife doesn’t do the laundry?’ and I was like ‘Well, my wife and I split the chore 50/50– she does all the folding, so I do the washing and drying part’ and the woman was like ‘Oh my goodness, your wife is SO lucky!'”

Me, throughout this entire story: img_1179-5

No Apologies

I do not apologize for, and am 100% fine with, the fact that I did not recognize even ONE famous athlete in the movie “Trainwreck,” including LeBron James. I was grateful that the script actually stated, “You know who that is, right? That’s LeBron James,” because no, I did NOT know who that was. Much like Amy Schumer’s character, I simply thought he was a very tall, handsome, muscular black man.

I did, however, know every single comedian who made an appearance in the film and have read most of their memoirs.

I can’t be a girl who is funny AND who likes sports.

The universe would implode, guys.

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I’m Going to Die Alone: A Male vs. Female Response

Sometimes I get the old, “I’m going to die all alone” blues. Nothing dire or overly dramatic. Really.

They usually happen on Sunday. So, like….today.

I texted a female friend with this concern, and her response:

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Then a male friend:

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I’m not gonna lie– the male friend snapped me out of it.