It’s a Win-Win For You, Men

Me at the gym today:

Guy (staring at my belly): “Congrats! When are you due?”
Me: “How DARE you assume I’m pregnant! What if I had just gained weight?! Learn some manners, presumptuous asshole.”

Me on the subway today:

Guy (staring at my belly): <does nothing>
Me: “How DARE you not stand up and give me your seat! I am CLEARLY pregnant! Learn some manners, selfish asshole.”

Me, pregnant, generally:

Guys: <not looking at me>
Me: “Oh so now that I’m pregnant I’m no longer attractive?! Men are such superficial assholes.”

Me, not pregnant, generally:

Guys: <looking at me>
Me: “Fucking perverts. All of you.”

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