Tag Archives: men vs women

It’s a Win-Win For You, Men

Me at the gym today:

Guy (staring at my belly): “Congrats! When are you due?”
Me: “How DARE you assume I’m pregnant! What if I had just gained weight?! Learn some manners, presumptuous asshole.”

Me on the subway today:

Guy (staring at my belly): <does nothing>
Me: “How DARE you not stand up and give me your seat! I am CLEARLY pregnant! Learn some manners, selfish asshole.”

Me, pregnant, generally:

Guys: <not looking at me>
Me: “Oh so now that I’m pregnant I’m no longer attractive?! Men are such superficial assholes.”

Me, not pregnant, generally:

Guys: <looking at me>
Me: “Fucking perverts. All of you.”


When Eric Tries to Teach Me Technology

Me: “The Roku isn’t working.”
Eric: “What’s wrong with it?”
Me: “I don’t know, but when I press the ‘TV Input’ button, it doesn’t even go to the Roku channel.”
Eric: “Ok, so…if it’s skipping over that Input channel, what would logic tell you?”
Me: <blank stare>
Eric (speaking slowly): “What might that say about the INPUT WIRE for the Roku…?”
Me: <blanker stare>
Eric: “I’ll fix it.”
Me: “Thanks babe!”

Maybe next time we skip the lesson.


I Love Going Splitsies

Eric: “You wrote in your anniversary card that you love when we go splitsies. When have we ever split the bill?”

Me: “No, I meant, like, when we can’t decide between two main dishes– so you get the steak and I get the duck, and we split each dish. You know, splitsies.”

Eric: “So basically you love that you get to sample all the food that I pay for.”

(long pause)

Me: “Yes.”

It sounded cuter in my head.



Last Night’s Date: Male vs. Female Reviews

Interestingly, the general FEMALE reaction to Last Night’s Date has been two enthusiastic thumbs up (the words “marry him or I will give up on life entirely” have been used in a not-at-all dramatic fashion), while the general MALE reaction has been wholly unimpressed.

I went to dinner with my friends Gabi and Adam last night. Gabi was intiaitlly not sure, but then decided she was on Team Prankster….Adam was wholeheartedly anti.

Then this morning I received an email from a friend in California, saying that everyone in LA (and by everyone, she pretty much just meant herself) was rooting for him. I forwarded this to Gabi and Adam to prove that people are on totally on Team Prankster. Adam stood firm.


Slow clap video referenced in email: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZHI88infeU