Me at the gym today:
Guy (staring at my belly): “Congrats! When are you due?”
Me: “How DARE you assume I’m pregnant! What if I had just gained weight?! Learn some manners, presumptuous asshole.”
Me on the subway today:
Guy (staring at my belly): <does nothing>
Me: “How DARE you not stand up and give me your seat! I am CLEARLY pregnant! Learn some manners, selfish asshole.”
Me, pregnant, generally:
Guys: <not looking at me>
Me: “Oh so now that I’m pregnant I’m no longer attractive?! Men are such superficial assholes.”
Me, not pregnant, generally:
Guys: <looking at me>
Me: “Fucking perverts. All of you.”
Eric (as I come to sit down on the couch with him): “Don’t you want to change into your more comfortable ‘couch clothes?'”
Me: “Why? What are you saying? You don’t like my dress?”
Eric: “Stop trying to guess what I’m thinking when I say things. You’re giving my brain way too much credit. Inside my head is just a bunch of corgis jumping.”
Normally my designated task.
But it’s so cute when he tries.
Me: “The Roku isn’t working.”
Eric: “What’s wrong with it?”
Me: “I don’t know, but when I press the ‘TV Input’ button, it doesn’t even go to the Roku channel.”
Eric: “Ok, so…if it’s skipping over that Input channel, what would logic tell you?”
Me: <blank stare>
Eric (speaking slowly): “What might that say about the INPUT WIRE for the Roku…?”
Me: <blanker stare>
Eric: “I’ll fix it.”
Me: “Thanks babe!”
Maybe next time we skip the lesson.
See, I don’t nag him. The clothes do.
Eric: “You wrote in your anniversary card that you love when we go splitsies. When have we ever split the bill?”
Me: “No, I meant, like, when we can’t decide between two main dishes– so you get the steak and I get the duck, and we split each dish. You know, splitsies.”
Eric: “So basically you love that you get to sample all the food that I pay for.”
It sounded cuter in my head.
Eric’s been watching a lot of home renovation shows on HGTV.
“Look, if you stack the blankets sideways, it creates a more modern look.”
I’m having anxiety.
(Part of the When Eric Makes The Bed series)
(Continuation of When Eric Makes the Bed )
Now he’s just fucking with me.
Interestingly, the general FEMALE reaction to Last Night’s Date has been two enthusiastic thumbs up (the words “marry him or I will give up on life entirely” have been used in a not-at-all dramatic fashion), while the general MALE reaction has been wholly unimpressed.
I went to dinner with my friends Gabi and Adam last night. Gabi was intiaitlly not sure, but then decided she was on Team Prankster….Adam was wholeheartedly anti.
Then this morning I received an email from a friend in California, saying that everyone in LA (and by everyone, she pretty much just meant herself) was rooting for him. I forwarded this to Gabi and Adam to prove that people are on totally on Team Prankster. Adam stood firm.
Slow clap video referenced in email: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZHI88infeU