Tag Archives: restaurants

He Totally Gets It

We went to dinner last night and it took them over 45 minutes to deliver the drink we ordered as soon as we sat down. The drink ended up arriving AFTER the food. I was annoyed.

Me: “It’s just– I know this sounds weird but my favorite part of dining out is that pre-food cocktail, where your stomach is kind of empty and the drink feels warm in your belly and kind of goes straight to your head.”

Eric: “No, that’s not weird. I get that. A lot of people say that.”

(pause)

Eric: “They’re all alcoholics, though.”

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I Love Going Splitsies

Eric: “You wrote in your anniversary card that you love when we go splitsies. When have we ever split the bill?”

Me: “No, I meant, like, when we can’t decide between two main dishes– so you get the steak and I get the duck, and we split each dish. You know, splitsies.”

Eric: “So basically you love that you get to sample all the food that I pay for.”

(long pause)

Me: “Yes.”

It sounded cuter in my head.

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Standards 

It’s good to know that here in NYC, you can literally be infamous for serving feces and still receive an above-average rating.

As a teacher and giver of grades, I feel pretty confident saying that Chipotle does not deserve a B right now.

I’m just saying– when I ask my students to perform, and instead of performing, they go ahead and SHIT THEMSELVES, I do not give them a “B.”

I send them home.

And then I never look at them the same way again.