There was a time when I would only agree to first dates with smart, funny, higher-educated, upper middle class Jewish men.
I blame you, NYC.
Except instead of a home-cooked meal on the table, it’s take-out chinese on the table. And instead of two glasses on the table, it’s one glass on the table. But it’s not really a glass on the table, it’s a solo cup filled with wine on the table. And it’s not a table. It’s a foot stool.
This is New York, guys.
That moment when you’re texting with the guy you went out with last week, and he keeps referencing things you talked about, but you don’t remember any of them because you were WAY too drunk.
Guys, this really weird thing happened where I went on a date last night, had a nice time, and then I heard from him TODAY. Not a week later, not EXACTLY 3 days later, not by accident because he meant to text a different Emily, not the next time he was drunk/stoned/watching porn. The NEXT day. Sober. While the sun was still up.
What do you think that means?
Oh, that he’s a mature 30-something male in Manhattan?
Well. This is new.
Him: “You have that natural look. Like, you’re pretty without makeup. That’s hard to pull off.”
Me: “I appreciate you saying that, but I’m not sure that’s accurate!”
Him: “It is. Trust me. Most girls show up to a first date wearing so much makeup. You barely have any on, and you look great. That’s really impressive.”
Me (coy smile, blushing): “Aw, well thank you.”
I was wearing a SHIT TON of makeup.
It really is the rudest. And beyond immature. Overall just shows a total lack of respect and class.
I hope he didn’t mind.
(End of testing season. Teacher happy hour at 3pm. I’m sorry!!!)
Friend, when I told him I have a date coming up with a guy who has the same name as a character on Friday Night Lights (my fave show of all time) on a FRIDAY night.
The rule was that I wouldn’t do it. Long distance is tough.
But tonight I have a first date with a guy who lives in New Jersey, because, thanks to this guy, the new standard is “Well, as long as he knows he lives in New Jersey….”
It’s bad when your standards start to match your expectations, in the sense that neither one can be recovered without an extensive, all-hands-on-deck, Jurrasic-park-style archaeological dig.
I have a first date (like, in real life) with emoji-loving This Fresh Prince tonight. So the question, of course, is DO I WEAR THIS?!?!?
Relax, guys. I’m totally kidding. I’m not insane. I would never wear a towel on a first date.
But yes to the emoji sweatshirt, right?