Tag Archives: first date

That Moment After a First Date When You Realize He Only Said “Let’s Do This Again” To Be Polite


Except instead of a home-cooked meal on the table, it’s take-out chinese on the table. And instead of two glasses on the table, it’s one glass on the table. But it’s not really a glass on the table, it’s a solo cup filled with wine on the table. And it’s not a table.  It’s a foot stool.

This is New York, guys.

I’m So Confused

Guys, this really weird thing happened where I went on a date last night, had a nice time, and then I heard from him TODAY. Not a week later, not EXACTLY 3 days later, not by accident because he meant to text a different Emily, not the next time he was drunk/stoned/watching porn. The NEXT day. Sober. While the sun was still up.

What do you think that means?

Oh, that he’s a mature 30-something male in Manhattan?

Well. This is new.


Guys Know Nothing

Him: “You have that natural look. Like, you’re pretty without makeup. That’s hard to pull off.”
Me: “I appreciate you saying that, but I’m not sure that’s accurate!”
Him: “It is. Trust me. Most girls show up to a first date wearing so much makeup. You barely have any on, and you look great. That’s really impressive.”
Me (coy smile, blushing): “Aw, well thank you.”

I was wearing a SHIT TON of makeup.


I Used To Have a Rule About Dating Guys Who Live In New Jersey

The rule was that I wouldn’t do it. Long distance is tough.

But tonight I have a first date with a guy who lives in New Jersey, because, thanks to this guy, the new standard is “Well, as long as he knows he lives in New Jersey….”

It’s bad when your standards start to match your expectations, in the sense that neither one can be recovered without an extensive, all-hands-on-deck, Jurrasic-park-style archaeological dig.