(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series)
Just popped into the nail place…
Me: “Hi there! Do you have time to give me a quick eyebrow wax?”
Sassy: “Not now. You come back in one hour.”
Me: “Eek, I can’t. I’m going out tonight, and have to leave kind of soon.”
Sassy: “You have date tonight?”
Me: “Yes…”
Sassy (staring at my eyebrows): “Wax is good decision. I do you now. Come.”
Me: “Thank you!”
Sassy: “Yes. Good eyebrow important for date.”
(long pause)
Sassy: “We do bikini too.”
No I’m fine with all that, I just don’t date blondes.
There was a time when I would only agree to first dates with smart, funny, higher-educated, upper middle class Jewish men.
Now…
I blame you, NYC.
Dear All Men Everywhere,
It is really REALLY super creepy when the main profile photo on your dating app is a picture of yourself as a young boy. Do you think we like this? I’m so confused. This is the only photo we see in that first instant when we decide if we’re swiping right or left– are you TRYING to attract a woman who looks at a picture of a 5 year old boy and says “Ooooh, tell me MORE!”?
If that IS who you’re looking for, maybe try looking somewhere else.
Like jail.
That’s where pedophiles are. In jail.
Now stop being a creepster. The world has enough problems.
Emily
Oh.
Sassy: “You have date this week?”
Me: “Yes, on Tuesday.”
Sassy: “Then you get eyebrow wax today.”
Me: “No thank you.”
Sassy: <shrugs>
(long silent pause as she files my nails)
Sassy: “No wax is big mistake.”
Except instead of a home-cooked meal on the table, it’s take-out chinese on the table. And instead of two glasses on the table, it’s one glass on the table. But it’s not really a glass on the table, it’s a solo cup filled with wine on the table. And it’s not a table. It’s a foot stool.
This is New York, guys.
That moment when you’re texting with the guy you went out with last week, and he keeps referencing things you talked about, but you don’t remember any of them because you were WAY too drunk.
and then….
Emily's Posts 