Tag Archives: dating profiles

Clear Eyes, Full Heart….Impressive Dedication to a Lie

Last night, over a glass of wine…

“So I have to confess something. I had never seen Friday Night Lights until I met you.”

— guy I’ve been dating for 2 months, who, ever since we met, has pretended to be a long-time fan of the show because he has the same first and last name as my favorite character and I was SO excited about it (admittedly WAYYYY TOO excited. He really had no choice but to lie).

Our first text convo:

FNL

He has spent the past 2 months secretly watching the entire series for the first time. Just finished it last night.

Now THAT’s clear eyes and a full heart.

Or just absurd.

Either way….can’t lose.

This Nice Jewish Guy Looking For a Fuck Buddy

Oh, David. I was all in until I saw that you’re kosher.

Because in between rounds of all the “carefree, open minded, honest, monogamous, safe, explorative, comfortably-fits-within-the-confines-of-our-mutual-schedules-and-boundaries-of-comfort sex” we’ll be having, I’m going to want me some bacon.

david

Dating App PSA

Dear All Men Everywhere,

It is really REALLY super creepy when the main profile photo on your dating app is a picture of yourself as a young boy. Do you think we like this? I’m so confused. This is the only photo we see in that first instant when we decide if we’re swiping right or left– are you TRYING to attract a woman who looks at a picture of a 5 year old boy and says “Ooooh, tell me MORE!”?

If that IS who you’re looking for, maybe try looking somewhere else.

Like jail.

That’s where pedophiles are. In jail.

Now stop being a creepster. The world has enough problems.

Emily

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