“Where’d we meet? On an app called J-Swipe. Oh, you don’t know it? Well, it’s an app where Jews can swipe left or right on other Jews. It’s also location-based, so you can see all the Jews in your immediate vicinity. Basically I looked at my app and was like, ‘What’s that, a Jew 2 blocks away? Sounds convenient– let’s do this!’ No no, don’t give me that look. This was not a sleazy late night meeting. I know people refer to J-Swipe as the Jewish Tinder, but it’s really not the same reputation. And besides, Tinder doesn’t even have that slutty rep anymore! I totally know people who have found true love on Tinder. But anyway, I think the fact that it’s a Jewish site makes it inherently less one-night-stand-ish because, I mean, if you’re a Jew specifically looking for another Jew, you presumably are probably wanting more than just a one-night ‘wham bam thank you jewish ma’am?’ Don’t you think?”
“Oh, I’m sorry…I thought we were in the trust tree…in the nest. Are we not?”
— Conversation I envision happening when we meet with our wedding rabbi.
You wrote three traits. The first should be one word. The second is misspelled.
Not your best sell, Boris.
You all already know how I feel about childhood photos on dating profiles. But this one, paired with the “about” section, is truly classic.
How do you not see that this is creepy, Matt D?!
You get ONE shot at this, man.
…but I just found this to be fucking hilarious. I kind of feel like I need to know this person.
Last night, over a glass of wine…
“So I have to confess something. I had never seen Friday Night Lights until I met you.”
— guy I’ve been dating for 2 months, who, ever since we met, has pretended to be a long-time fan of the show because he has the same first and last name as my favorite character and I was SO excited about it (admittedly WAYYYY TOO excited. He really had no choice but to lie).
Our first text convo:
He has spent the past 2 months secretly watching the entire series for the first time. Just finished it last night.
Now THAT’s clear eyes and a full heart.
Or just absurd.
Either way….can’t lose.
Oh, David. I was all in until I saw that you’re kosher.
Because in between rounds of all the “carefree, open minded, honest, monogamous, safe, explorative, comfortably-fits-within-the-confines-of-our-mutual-schedules-and-boundaries-of-comfort sex” we’ll be having, I’m going to want me some bacon.
Umm. Is this a typo?
Seems like a very specific vision for a white Jewish guy.
Weirdly what I hate most about this is his choice of talk show host.
I hate it all, though.
That moment when you’re texting with the guy you went out with last week, and he keeps referencing things you talked about, but you don’t remember any of them because you were WAY too drunk.