Tag Archives: jswipe

Maybe I’ll Let Eric Do The Talking

“Where’d we meet? On an app called J-Swipe. Oh, you don’t know it? Well, it’s an app where Jews can swipe left or right on other Jews. It’s also location-based, so you can see all the Jews in your immediate vicinity. Basically I looked at my app and was like, ‘What’s that, a Jew 2 blocks away? Sounds convenient– let’s do this!’ No no, don’t give me that look. This was not a sleazy late night meeting. I know people refer to J-Swipe as the Jewish Tinder, but it’s really not the same reputation. And besides, Tinder doesn’t even have that slutty rep anymore! I totally know people who have found true love on Tinder. But anyway, I think the fact that it’s a Jewish site makes it inherently less one-night-stand-ish because, I mean, if you’re a Jew specifically looking for another Jew, you presumably are probably wanting more than just a one-night ‘wham bam thank you jewish ma’am?’ Don’t you think?”

(silence)

“Oh, I’m sorry…I thought we were in the trust tree…in the nest. Are we not?”

— Conversation I envision happening when we meet with our wedding rabbi.

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Clear Eyes, Full Heart….Impressive Dedication to a Lie

Last night, over a glass of wine…

“So I have to confess something. I had never seen Friday Night Lights until I met you.”

— guy I’ve been dating for 2 months, who, ever since we met, has pretended to be a long-time fan of the show because he has the same first and last name as my favorite character and I was SO excited about it (admittedly WAYYYY TOO excited. He really had no choice but to lie).

Our first text convo:

FNL

He has spent the past 2 months secretly watching the entire series for the first time. Just finished it last night.

Now THAT’s clear eyes and a full heart.

Or just absurd.

Either way….can’t lose.

This Nice Jewish Guy Looking For a Fuck Buddy

Oh, David. I was all in until I saw that you’re kosher.

Because in between rounds of all the “carefree, open minded, honest, monogamous, safe, explorative, comfortably-fits-within-the-confines-of-our-mutual-schedules-and-boundaries-of-comfort sex” we’ll be having, I’m going to want me some bacon.

david