Tag Archives: judaism

Jewish Food

Getting Nora ready to attend a Yom Kippur break fast….

Me: “We’re going to eat lots of yummy Jewish food! Like bagels, and lox, and maybe even some kugel!”

Nanny: “Oh! I love Jewish food.”

Me: “Oh really?”

Nanny: “Yes my favorite is spaghetti bolognese.”

Me: Thinking_Face_Emoji

Nanny: “I worked for this Jewish lady and EVERY single Thursday she make spaghetti bolognese and I tell my husband ‘Oh, I LOVE this Jewish food!”

Me: “Ok, but spaghetti bolognese is not, like, a traditionally JEWISH food.”

Nanny: “But she is Jewish.”

Me: “Right…”

Nanny: url

Me: “She’s just a Jew who likes spaghetti.”

Nanny: images-1

What I Am

Our building busybody (the same lady who commented inappropriately on my ring, and assumed that because I am a tutor, I am a dog walker) is at it again.

Busybody: “So, how’s married life? Have you changed your last name yet?”

Me: “It’s great! No, I haven’t. I’m not sure it’s necessary to legally change it.”

Busybody: “Oh my god really? I couldn’t WAIT to change my name.”

Me: “Ok. Well, to each her own! I mean I’ll informally use Eric’s last name, I’m happy for people to call me Emily Taylor, and to introduce myself that way. Just don’t see the need to go through a legal process. But we’ll see, maybe one day.”

Busybody: “His last name is Taylor? What’s yours?”

Me: “Lerman.”

Busybody: “Oh, honey. You should change it. Taylor is a great last name– then people won’t know what you are.”

Me (silent, confused pause): “You mean…a Jew?”

Busybody: “Yeah.”

Me: (blank stare)

Busybody: “Sometimes it’s just better, in certain circumstances, that people don’t know, you know?”

Me: “No.”

So now I’m keeping Lerman just to spite you.

Bitch.

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Donna Chang 

Me: “With everything going on in our country right now, I’m honestly just so horrified and saddened as a human in general– but as a Jew in particular, as I know you can relate–”

Therapist: “Oh I’m actually not Jewish.”

Me: “You’re NOT?! But your last name–”

Therapist: “I know. A common Jewish last name. People often assume I am Jewish.”

Me: “But I feel like I’ve had all these insider only-jews-would-get-this kind of exchanges with you.”

Therapist: “Hmm. I didn’t interpret them that way.”

Me: (silence)

Therapist: “What are you thinking?”

Me: “Oh, oh nothing. This obviously doesn’t change anything.”

I just have to re-think every piece of advice you’ve ever given me.

donna chang

 

Something’s in there all right

I’m in the elevator and an elderly lady walks in…

Lady (after staring at me for 10 seconds): “Are you pregnant?”
Me: “No. I am not. And honestly, this is the second time this has happened to me in an elevator and I don’t understand why.”
Lady: “It’s the way you’re holding your stomach. Makes it seem like something’s in there.”
Me: “Yeah, there is. Dairy. I’m Jewish.”
Lady: “Ah. Enough said.”

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