Tag Archives: holidays

This Mom Nailed It

Me: “So today we are going to read this biography about Barack Obama.”

Kid: “Oh! That’s my Dad’s Christmas dinner guest!”

Me: “Um…explain.”

Kid: “So every year everyone in my family decides who we would invite to our Christmas dinner that year, if we could invite anyone in the world. My dad chose Barack Obama.”

Me: “Oh, I love that! And who did YOU choose?”

Kid: “Taylor Swift.”

Me: “Also a good one. And your Mom?”

Kid: “She chose ‘any black female voter from Alabama.'”

Me: smilelaugh.jpg

Kid: “Yeah I didn’t really get it.”

The Defense Does NOT Hold Water

Me: “Did you do your homework?”

Kid: “No, I didn’t have time. With Christmas and all.”

Me: “Christmas is still 2 weeks away.”

Kid: “I know, but like. There’s a LOT that goes into Christmas, you know? There’s a lot of stuff that leads up to it. It’s not just like you’re busy on that ONE day.”

Me: “I guess…”

(15 minutes later)

Me: “So what IS your family doing for Christmas?”

Kid: “Oh, my family? Nothing. We’re Jewish.”

 

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Showing No Signs of Bridezilla Status Over Here

Mom: “Well, we never took an official family photo this year so I guess we aren’t going to send a holiday card, which means I’m not going to write the annual family newsletter.”

Me: “WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Oh, this is SO classic. Every year I don’t want you to write the letter because nothing new is ever happening in MY life. I sound so boring every time. It’s always ‘Zack got a new job! Zack moved to New York! Steph got married! Steph had a baby! Jeremy….’ well, whatever. You get what I’m saying. And then the year I get engaged you’re NOT GOING TO WRITE A  NEWSLETTER? When I FINALLY have some news?! This is so unfair and so not surprising at all.”

Mom: “I was kidding. Of course I’m writing a letter.”

Oh.

Yeah I know I was kidding too.

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Maybe Start Celebrating It

A mom and her small child get into the elevator with me…

Me (to child): “Ooooh! And what are YOU dressed up as for Halloween? Whatever it is, you look awesome!”
Child: <blank, confused stare>
Mom: “Oh she has no idea it’s Halloween. We don’t celebrate it. This is just what she decided to wear today.”

Oh.

Well then she looks ABSURD.

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