Tag Archives: teachers

The Defense Does NOT Hold Water

Me: “Did you do your homework?”

Kid: “No, I didn’t have time. With Christmas and all.”

Me: “Christmas is still 2 weeks away.”

Kid: “I know, but like. There’s a LOT that goes into Christmas, you know? There’s a lot of stuff that leads up to it. It’s not just like you’re busy on that ONE day.”

Me: “I guess…”

(15 minutes later)

Me: “So what IS your family doing for Christmas?”

Kid: “Oh, my family? Nothing. We’re Jewish.”

 

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Pretty Much

Kid and I are researching quotes for his paper about community action, and we come across a good quote by Nelson Mandela.

Me: “Ohhh, that’s a perfect one to use. Do you know who Nelson Mandela is?”

Kid: “Yeah of course.”

Me: “Oh, I’m impressed. I wouldn’t necessarily think a kid your age would know about him.”

Kid: “Well, my dad listens to his music all the time.”

Me: “Ummm…his music? Nelson Mandela was not a musician, as far as I know…”

Kid: “Yes, he’s a country singer!”

Me: “I think you’re thinking of someone else…”

Kid: “You know, (singing) ‘On the road again, Just can’t wait to get on the road again….'”

Me: “Oh, honey, no. That’s Willie Nelson. Not Nelson Mandela. They are two very VERY different people. Nelson Mandela ended apartheid in South Africa.”

Kid (pondering): “Ok but otherwise they’re pretty much the same.”

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Nanny of the Year

Third graders are the best. Just barely on the cusp of having a clue.

Kid (out of NOWHERE): “Donald Trump is going to die, you know.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Kid: “Because he’s getting us into a war, and then he’s going to go fight in the war and he’ll die on the battlefield.”

Me: cracking-myself-up

Kid: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “The idea of Trump going onto a battlefield and actually being willing to fight in a war he started. Who told you this anyway?”

Kid: “My nanny.”

Me: “Ah.”

Kid: “She’s Mexican.”

Me: “I see.”

(long silence)

Kid: “She’s REALLY excited for him to die.”

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The Future

About to play a math game…

Kid: “Can we use the dice app on your phone again?”
Me: “No, we only did that last time because I forgot the dice. But now I have them, so we can roll them ourselves.”
Kid (sigh): “But it’s so much easier to just touch your phone screen.”
Me: “But it’s so much nicer and more interesting to be a human who does old-timey human things, like hold real dice in your hand, and then extend your arm ever so slightly to roll them on the real, live floor. Plus they make a sound and everything!”
Kid: ( Face_With_Rolling_Eyes_Emoji_large. crosses arms. pouts.)

We’re so fucked.