I attend a weekly music class with Nora that is legitimately awesome, as we live in New York City, so every person leading a kiddie music class is actually a Broadway star in the making, and their talent blows me away every time. I seriously feel like I get a small personal concert every Thursday morning. Today I was particularly excited because I knew the songs would be holiday themed.
When we arrived, the lead singer greeted us…
Singer (whispering aside): “I know you guys are Jewish. Don’t worry, this is all non-denominational. Just winter songs. We really try to be sensitive to all religions.”
Me: “Wow, that’s very considerate but REALLY not necessary!”
Singer: “No, it’s necessary. It’s the respectful thing to do.”
Me: “Aw, you guys are SO SWEET!”
If you don’t sing “All I Want For Christmas” I will legit murder everyone here.
Me: “So today we are going to read this biography about Barack Obama.”
Kid: “Oh! That’s my Dad’s Christmas dinner guest!”
Kid: “So every year everyone in my family decides who we would invite to our Christmas dinner that year, if we could invite anyone in the world. My dad chose Barack Obama.”
Me: “Oh, I love that! And who did YOU choose?”
Kid: “Taylor Swift.”
Me: “Also a good one. And your Mom?”
Kid: “She chose ‘any black female voter from Alabama.'”
Kid: “Yeah I didn’t really get it.”
Me: “Did you do your homework?”
Kid: “No, I didn’t have time. With Christmas and all.”
Me: “Christmas is still 2 weeks away.”
Kid: “I know, but like. There’s a LOT that goes into Christmas, you know? There’s a lot of stuff that leads up to it. It’s not just like you’re busy on that ONE day.”
Me: “I guess…”
(15 minutes later)
Me: “So what IS your family doing for Christmas?”
Kid: “Oh, my family? Nothing. We’re Jewish.”
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
She got so close to being normal and then she blew it.
…and “Happy Chanukah?” No? Too much effort? K cool.
I’ll take the “I apologize” Christmas miracle and run with it.
Me (correcting a kid’s work): “20 divided by 2 is 40? So you’re telling me that if I split these 20 cubes into 2 equal groups, I’d have 40 in each group? Does that make sense? Is it logical?”
Me: “Exactly. So it can’t be true. Remember, you ALWAYS have to ask yourself does this make sense? Is it logical?”
Kid: “Santa is real, right?”
Me: “Of course…”
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
What. Is. Happening.
It’s official. iPhones can do everything now.
But before you get all excited, note that they are not actually available yet.
I only know that because I looked into it out of curiosity, not because I was buying it for myself.
Well, not really curiosity. I was looking to buy it, but, again, not for myself.
I was looking to purchase it as a gift for a Christmas Yankee swap that I am attending.
So that I could win it.
The Christmas season is officially upon us, which means that countless people, friends and strangers alike, will be wishing me a very merry Christmas. But I’m Jewish. So you know what I’ll be saying in return?
Because I’m not a dick.
Well yeah, of course, I completely agree with the outrage over the new Starbucks Christmas cups. I don’t have to be Christian to understand the controversy and be completely offended. How do you go from touting symbols of Christmas to completely removing them?
I mean, what if Starbucks took the menorahs off the blue Chanukah cups?
Or the kinaras off the Kwanza cups?!
Everyone needs to calm the fuck down.
My favorite thing about Christmastime in NYC is getting the fuck out of NYC during Christmastime.