I couldn’t wait to read this article but then I got a text.
It’s official. iPhones can do everything now.
But before you get all excited, note that they are not actually available yet.
I only know that because I looked into it out of curiosity, not because I was buying it for myself.
Well, not really curiosity. I was looking to buy it, but, again, not for myself.
I was looking to purchase it as a gift for a Christmas Yankee swap that I am attending.
So that I could win it.
There is a guy in my building, about age 60, who loves to make fun of me for always typing/swiping on my phone in the elevator. Every time he sees me, he makes it a point to comment on how iPhones are the downfall of society. Just ran into him again while bringing my laundry down….
Him: “Still on that phone, huh?”
Him: “Let me ask you something– where do you get your news?”
Him: “See this is what’s wrong with young people today. You get your news on TWITTER.”
Me: “I was kidding. Relax.”
Him: “Good. For a minute there, I thought our future was doomed. Getting news from TWITTER?!”
Me: “Yeah, no worries. Just a joke.”
I get it from Facebook.
Too many words on Twitter. Not enough photos.
I prefer my news next to a picture of a bunny nuzzling a raccoon.
Look where they’re getting their information!
Here’s a book my baby nephew is currently “reading” (Sucking on. Licking. Trying to put inside my nose. Then losing interest and trying to put his fist inside my nose.)
No wonder he stares at me blankly, line of drool slowly zig-zagging down his chin, whenever I ask him to hand me my phone. The kid is so fucking confused!
Shame on you, American children’s book publishers.
It’s like you WANT China to win.
As a government worker, I often get alerts on my phone during emergencies, providing me with instructions for how I can help. For example, during Hurricane Sandy, I was sent alerts for volunteer opportunities at local schools and shelters. I really appreciated this, even though my response to these alerts (doing absolutely nothing, and carrying on with my day) might indicate otherwise.
So last night, my phone was on the table and I saw, from a distance, something about a blizzard alert. Being the concerned citizen that I am, I immediately got up and ran to my phone to see how bad things were.
Well. Turns out they’re pretty fucking bad.