Fair. And true.
But this is exactly the kind of hazardous situation I find myself in when I linger in society past sundown– two young people were having a perfectly lovely first date and I interrupted it, arms flailing, screaming, “Little Michael?!?! Is that YOU?!?!?”
Zero chance he got laid after that.
I’m never leaving the couch again.
Sorry, Little Michael.
(For interrupting your date. And for calling you “Little Michael.” Last night and in this post. Also, sorry about this post).
There is a guy in my building, about age 60, who loves to make fun of me for always typing/swiping on my phone in the elevator. Every time he sees me, he makes it a point to comment on how iPhones are the downfall of society. Just ran into him again while bringing my laundry down….
Him: “Still on that phone, huh?”
Him: “Let me ask you something– where do you get your news?”
Him: “See this is what’s wrong with young people today. You get your news on TWITTER.”
Me: “I was kidding. Relax.”
Him: “Good. For a minute there, I thought our future was doomed. Getting news from TWITTER?!”
Me: “Yeah, no worries. Just a joke.”
I get it from Facebook.
Too many words on Twitter. Not enough photos.
I prefer my news next to a picture of a bunny nuzzling a raccoon.
Just now at Starbucks, the man in front of me in line, who spoke very limited English, happened to order (with some translation help from the barista) the same exact drink I always order. As we waited for our drinks at the bar, the man’s drink came up right away and the barista called it out– “venti iced hazelnut coffee!” This was clearly meant for him, as he ordered before me, but when the drink was called the man seemed to have no idea that it was his and that he should go take it. Meanwhile, I was in a rush, my drink wasn’t even being made yet, and I was very tempted to swipe his coffee and make a run for it.
In the end, I decided to be patient and respectful, and to inform the man that his drink was ready, rather than take advantage of his friendly ignorance and selfishly snatch what was rightfully his.
Because I’m not a dick, Columbus.