Category Archives: Random Thoughts

No Apologies

I do not apologize for, and am 100% fine with, the fact that I did not recognize even ONE famous athlete in the movie “Trainwreck,” including LeBron James. I was grateful that the script actually stated, “You know who that is, right? That’s LeBron James,” because no, I did NOT know who that was. Much like Amy Schumer’s character, I simply thought he was a very tall, handsome, muscular black man.

I did, however, know every single comedian who made an appearance in the film and have read most of their memoirs.

I can’t be a girl who is funny AND who likes sports.

The universe would implode, guys.

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Well This Was a New One

I’ve been called many names by standard NYC crazies in my 10-year stint living here. This includes, but is not limited to:

  • “Pasty white bitch” (which is just absurd, as I’m always tan)
  • “Slut” (eh. Depends on the season)
  • “Cracker” (never not funny)
  • “Cheap jerk” (fair)
  • “Fucking Sarah Jessica Parker Skinny Legged Hoe” (this one’s my favorite. She thought I was skinny, guys!)

These name-callings are always unprovoked. I’ll admit, the first time it happened, I was pretty taken aback, but now I welcome it, as I feel every time a derogatory name is spat my way, I become more a citizen of this city.

And in that spirit, I would like to proudly announce that as a group of us were getting off the D train last night, the conductor took it upon himself to stick his head out the window of the subway car and yell “Get off my train, you pussy dicks!”

Game, set, match.

I’m a New Yorker, guys!!!!!

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(That man maybe shouldn’t be driving trains, though….)