Me (excitedly): “Oh! Wanna watch ‘Girls?'”
Eric (adamant): “No. Absolutely not.”
Me: “Oh, come on.”
Eric (more adamant): “NO.”
Me: “I don’t understand why you have such a problem with it. ”
Eric: “‘Girls’ is what they’re now showing at Guantanamo Bay. Instead of water boarding.”
Me: “Ok, ok.”
Eric: “Lena Dunham is terrible.”
Me: “I get it.”
Eric: “And Shoshana should be Sho-shot.”
Me: “Shoshana is the likable one! It’s Allison Williams’s character who’s the worst!”
Eric: “The one who had her asshole eaten out on camera? Yeah, I bet her dad is REAL proud. Look at him now. She gets her ass eaten out and the next thing you know he’s lying to America and getting fired. Look what ‘Girls’ did to HIM.”
Me: “Ok, we won’t watch it. Christ.”
(Continuation of Sports! )
While watching the game live…
Girl 1: “I like #10. He’s my favorite.”
Girl 2: “Where is he? I don’t see him.”
Girl 1: “He’s not on the field right now.”
It was a basketball game.
This is what happens when my girlfriends and I decide to attend a sporting event.
I do not apologize for, and am 100% fine with, the fact that I did not recognize even ONE famous athlete in the movie “Trainwreck,” including LeBron James. I was grateful that the script actually stated, “You know who that is, right? That’s LeBron James,” because no, I did NOT know who that was. Much like Amy Schumer’s character, I simply thought he was a very tall, handsome, muscular black man.
I did, however, know every single comedian who made an appearance in the film and have read most of their memoirs.
I can’t be a girl who is funny AND who likes sports.
The universe would implode, guys.