Tag Archives: marathon training

This is Why I Prefer Not to Have a Doorman

As I leave for my daily run, trying to get out the door and get started…

Doorman: “Wow, you sure do run a lot. Even in this heat?”

Me: “Yup! But this is nothing compared to how much I used to run! I used to run marathons and half marathons on the regular.”

Doorman: “Wow. But I find that people who run THAT much are running away from something.”

Oh. (awkward stare-down)

Me: “Ok, bye!”

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Yeah Something Like That

Kid: “I can’t believe you ran such a long race in that cold weather yesterday!”

Me: “Hah, I know! It was VERY cold and windy!”

Kid: “You must have been FREEZING!”

Me: “I sure was!”

Kid: “Yeah, but I bet you didn’t even care because you were so happy that you worked hard and reached your goal!”

Me: “Exactly!”

Eh. I was pretty fucking miserable.

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Yes

Here are some conversations my marathon medal elicited from the children at school today:

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Kid: “What’s that for?”
Me: “I ran a marathon!”
Kid: “Did you win?”
Me: “Yes.”
Kid: “Really?!”
Me: “Yes.”

——-

Kid: “Did you win the Nobel Prize!?”
Me: “Yes.”

——-

Kid: “Is that a necklace?”
Me: “Yes.”

——–

Kid: “Did you know you have a bell stuck to your neck?”
Me: “Yes.”

———

Kid: “Did you know your necklace has a crack on the bell part?”
Me: “Yes.”

———

Every single other kid in the school besides the 5 above: < Stare at medal. Stare at my face. Say nothing. Go about their day. >

———

Coworker: “Did any kids even congratulate you today?”
Me: “No.”

———

Conclusion: In general, kids, unlike adults, don’t give a fuck don’t know how to PRETEND to give a fuck that you ran a marathon.

Harder

When I pulled up a map and showed Eric the various locations he can cheer for me during the Philly marathon on Sunday, he jokingly sighed and said, “You know, this day is turning out to be much harder for me than it will be for you.”

Then he got up off the couch and went out to pick up some ice.

To put on his face.

Because I kicked him in it.

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