Tag Archives: nail polish

Sassy Pedicurist: An Investigation

(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series)

Many of you have expressed your sadness over the absence of Sassy Pedicurist. I know. Thanks to what I can only assume is Stockholm Syndrome, I miss that abusive, cranky old bitch too. So today I went to my old nail salon to inquire about her absence.

Me (to two manicurists sitting in the front): “Hi there! So I noticed that my regular manicurist has been gone for a while. I’m just wondering, is she coming back? Did she switch salons?”

Manicurist 1: “Which lady you talk about?”

Me: “Um…well, she’s older. I mean, not old. But like, older than you guys. I’m assuming. And, you know, she’s…Asian. So…”

(silence)

Me: “I’m not great at describing people.”

(silence)

Me: “Anyway, I’m just wondering where she went, because I really liked her. She did my nails for years.”

Manicurist 2: “What is her name?”

(Long pause)

Me: “I don’t know.”

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So the good news is that I managed to eventually uncover that Sassy has been out of town, but will be back at the nail salon in about a month.

The bad news is that I can never go back there.

 

What is Love?

Manicurist: “THIS color? You sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manicurist: “No one choose this color. I never open.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll bet. But the Broncos are in the super bowl and my boyfriend is a HUGE fan. So I’m supporting him.”

Woman sitting next to me: “That’s so funny, I was going to do the same thing!”

Me: “Really?”

Woman: “Yeah. But then I saw the color and was like ‘Nope. Can’t do it. Too ugly. Wayyyy too ugly.'”

She’s not wrong.

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Sassy Pedicurist: M.I.A.

(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series) 

Many people have been asking me what has happened to Sassy Pedicurist, as we haven’t heard from her in a while. 

I’m not quite sure. I have had my nails done many times in the past several months, and she has not been at the salon. She used to be there almost every single time, and now she has virtually disappeared. It’s as though she sensed that I found a man, and now her work here is done. 

I’m starting to question if she ever even existed.