(Part of the Sassy Pedicurist series)

Many of you have expressed your sadness over the absence of Sassy Pedicurist. I know. Thanks to what I can only assume is Stockholm Syndrome, I miss that abusive, cranky old bitch too. So today I went to my old nail salon to inquire about her absence.

Me (to two manicurists sitting in the front): “Hi there! So I noticed that my regular manicurist has been gone for a while. I’m just wondering, is she coming back? Did she switch salons?”

Manicurist 1: “Which lady you talk about?”

Me: “Um…well, she’s older. I mean, not old. But like, older than you guys. I’m assuming. And, you know, she’s…Asian. So…”

(silence)

Me: “I’m not great at describing people.”

(silence)

Me: “Anyway, I’m just wondering where she went, because I really liked her. She did my nails for years.”

Manicurist 2: “What is her name?”

(Long pause)

Me: “I don’t know.”

So the good news is that I managed to eventually uncover that Sassy has been out of town, but will be back at the nail salon in about a month.

The bad news is that I can never go back there.