Some people take the beautiful, romantic, meaningful notion of a wedding very seriously, and others spontaiously decide to get married early, months before the wedding, for wholly unromantic but practical reasons like needing health insurance, and have to promise their mothers they won’t tell the wedding guests they’re already legally husband and wife because it would “take away from the special feel of the weekend” if guests knew that they already got married by signing some papers over a casual brunch with two friends and an underwhelemed waiter at Felice 64 wine bar on January 21st, right before heading over to the Women’s March to protest Trump and his pussy-grabbing, which is just kind of sad and ridiculous and bizarre and totally in conflict with the fairy tale lovey dovey-ness that society deems should be a wedding.
Which is why we did it.
“I guess we should have a house and buy a kid.”
–Eric, sort of getting it right.
“Emily, no. NO. Jesus christ, just…no.”
— Friend, when I asked if I can wear my FitBit to my wedding.
Our wedding officiants (friends of ours) are working together to plan our ceremony, and sent this initial email just to touch base on the basics:
After we come in from the cold, Eric sets up the second TV for football viewing while I cuddle under a blanket on the couch, nestling in for an afternoon together.
Eric (looking at me with adoration): “I mean…does it get any better than this?! I got the love of my life right here…”
Eric: “And I’ve got you.”
Love is screaming “I WATCH FOOTBALL WITH YOU ALL SEASON!!!!!” while you crank the volume on The Bachelorette 3-hour season finale as he wildly protests.
Watching “The Bachelorette”…
Eric: “Wait, so…at the end of this, the bachelorette proposes to the guy?”
Me: “No. The guy proposes.”
Eric: “So she chooses the guy who then has to propose to her?”
Me: “Like what I’m doing.”
Eric: “Ok yeah I get it now.”