I’ve been feeling kind of off the past few weeks and haven’t really been able to pinpoint why. Then today I was standing behind two women in Starbucks, and one of them was listing all my symptoms.

Woman 1: “I just don’t feel myself at ALL. I’m exhausted all the time, my body is sore, I have a constant headache, I just feel slow and lethargic and all I want to do is sleep.”

And just as I’m about to tap her on the back and say “Hey, ME TOO! What do you think is wrong with us?!”, she turns around, and I see what the problem is.

Woman 2: “Well jesus you’re 8 months pregnant with twins, how do you THINK you’re going to feel?”

So the point here is that I am either 8 months pregnant with twins, or just a single, 33-year-old, definitely-not-pregnant (trust me) woman who’s been waking up every day lately FEELING like she’s 8 months pregnant with twins.

I am legitimately not sure which is worse.

I do know that when I am pregnant one day, I am royally fucked.