Sassy Pedicurist sees me repeatedly checking my phone and laughing:

Sassy: “This person texting you, very funny yes?”
Me: “Ha yeah he’s a funny guy.”
Sassy: “Oh– a man? You go on date with this man?”
Me: “No no. A friend.”
Sassy: “He have wife? Girlfriend?”
Me: “No…”
Sassy: “This man, he look nice? You think he look nice? ”
Me: “Well, yeah, he’s a good looking guy.”
Sassy: “He think YOU look nice?”
Me: “I mean…I think so?”
Sassy: “He gay? He like the men?”
Me: “No.”
Sassy: “I see no problem here. This is husband.”
Me: “It’s not really that simple.”
Sassy: “I hear lots of excuse from you. You know who make lots of excuse?”
Me: “Please don’t say your cousin who died alone.”
Sassy: “ALL ALONE.”