During my morning workout at the hotel gym….

In my head: “Wow, everything is easier in Mexico! I could never run this fast at home! Or maybe I’m just finally, after years of running, hitting my stride, and now running at 8mph is a breeze! I’m a BEAST.”

In reality: Most treadmills outside the US are in kilometers, and running 8kmh is not the same as running 8mph. In fact, 8kmh is essentially a walking speed, so you probably looked pretty fucking stupid doing those long, leaping strides at that pace.

Tip: It is important to make this kilometers-are-not-miles discovery BEFORE you finish your workout, as the rapid-fire self esteem plummet from “I’m a fucking WARRIOR!” to “I’m a fucking moron– literally certifiable!” in that post-run moment is so severe it could cause whiplash.

Luckily this tequila breakfast will fix everything.