Reasons I Will Probably Never Get Married

Here are some things I think to myself every single time I walk by this door, which is often, as it is adjacent to my room:

“Go fuck yourself.”
“One of you secretly hates/will end up murdering the other.”
“This is an amazing hotel for a singles vacation but totally stupid for a honeymoon, you stupid stupidheads.”
“You should both try the tap water. It’s delicious.”
“I bet your sex got boring the second you said ‘I do.’ I haven’t heard ONE scream come out of that room.”
“Honeymoons are for losers.”
“Awww, I’m happy for them!”**

**this quote actually came from topless-at-the-pool-lady, as she walked by said door. SHE will probably get married some day.


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