I’ve been called many names by standard NYC crazies in my 10-year stint living here. This includes, but is not limited to:

• “Pasty white bitch” (which is just absurd, as I’m always tan)
• “Slut” (eh. Depends on the season)
• “Cracker” (never not funny)
• “Cheap jerk” (fair)
• “Fucking Sarah Jessica Parker Skinny Legged Hoe” (this one’s my favorite. She thought I was skinny, guys!)

These name-callings are always unprovoked. I’ll admit, the first time it happened, I was pretty taken aback, but now I welcome it, as I feel every time a derogatory name is spat my way, I become more a citizen of this city.

And in that spirit, I would like to proudly announce that as a group of us were getting off the D train last night, the conductor took it upon himself to stick his head out the window of the subway car and yell “Get off my train, you pussy dicks!”

Game, set, match.

I’m a New Yorker, guys!!!!!

(That man maybe shouldn’t be driving trains, though….)