Eric (while cutting up the duck he cooked for dinner tonight): “Ugh, this duck is so fatty.”

Me: “That’s ok. I like my duck how I like my men” (cue laughing at my own joke).

Eric: “Well, good. Because I like my duck how I like my women.”

(20 second silence as he eats a few vegetables, cuts some more duck, takes a sip of water)

“…cunty.”